I have a confession. Over 5 years ago, I committed to a teaching experience I thought my heart believed in, but when I preferred to follow my distractions instead, I quit. Needless to say, the guilt from quitting, continues to haunt me. Why am I feeling guilty, you wonder?
Well, I kinda feel like a runaway bride. Picture this: you accept the marriage proposal, because you believe this is the person you should spend the rest of your life with. As you're going through all the wedding hoopla, you start to second guess yourself. You figure it's normal to be scared. Your big day comes and you wake up saying , 'WTF am I doing?'. That's when you take your honeymoon tix and disappear. Ok may be I'm being a bit dramatic by using this analogy, but in the end, the same guilty feelings surface for both scenarios.
While taking my teaching course, I was convinced that the timing for this new venture was perfect. Then, I let the mental noise block the passage to my heart. I started putting pressure on myself, letting my fears cloud my intention. And these same thoughts, masterfully fabricated a multitude of excuses, to justify my decision to quit. But in the end, the guilt from disappointing my teacher who invested in me, kept reappearing.
Now, 7 years later, still thinking about this lingering regret, I've decided to finish what I started. It's not about my teacher or my bruised ego. This time I'm honoring, what I trust, is my life purpose. Looking back, the timing wasn't right. I was there for the wrong reasons. If you're one of many who feels a certain shame for not finishing what you start, go back. Get out of your head, dive deep into your heart for the answers to why you're still fixated on checking out early.
Let's face it, giving up is so easy! Just take a look around you at the gym. Come January 2nd, you could barely find a free treadmill. Four weeks later, same time, same place, you're just a handful of cardio junkies left. Hence the easiness to abandon commitments when they get challenging. We tend to repeat patterns because of unfinished emotions from our past. Every experience comes with a lesson. Release any past attachments that may be holding you back. Today, you're a new person, with new intentions. Forgive yourself and move on. Welcome to Day 1 of committing to new ventures with happy endings!
