The truth about Little Miss Chatterbox

Do you ever reflect on your childhood? What kinda kid were you? Were you labelled as Little Miss Bossy, Little Miss Brilliant, Little Miss Chatterbox (that was me!), Little Miss Naughty or were you Mr. Brave, Mr. Clumsy, Mr. Funny, Mr. Quiet? Somewhere, in the long list of titles from the "Mr. Men and Little Miss" series, you can spot lil you. Can you remember any pivotal childhood moments that sparked emotions?
As Little Miss Chatterbox, my fondest elementary school memory was in grade 6, when I represented the NDP party in our school elections. I was the only girl (Little Miss Ballsy) running against 2 boys. We campaigned, said a speech, and made headlines in the Montreal Gazette and Pulse News. My gift-of-gab proved to work for me, rather than against me....which was rare!
As the youngest of two daughters, my sister set the barre pretty high. She was Little Miss Brainy and I secretly hated her for that. In my parents eyes, she was the academic achiever, whereas I was the busybody chatterbox, successful at distracting others. For most parents, education holds such high value, that academic results define their children. My sister was the smart one and I was the creative one, but since report cards were like diplomas, my future wasn't looking so stellar. Naturally, I never quite felt good enough since my report card figures didn't hover in the nineties. Come September, I'd hope for 2 things - that I'd be in the same class as my best friends and that I wouldn't have any of my sister's teachers. Well, unfortunately that didn't always happen, so my chatterbox title reined.
There's something bitter sweet about being a kid. You're carefree, yet you're put into a box. If it's not your sibling you're compared to, it's your peers. I understand that comparison is a natural human act. In parenthood, we get caught up in our babies' motor skill development, that we get stressed when our child misses a milestone. But while we're so in tune to meeting these intellectual objectives, what are we doing about the emotional ones? I mean, kudos to me for talking before the age of one, but I don't remember that. What I do remember, is trying to keep up with my sister's accomplishments, and the disappointment that followed when I missed the mark. I had my own rockstar moments that my parents celebrated, but for the most part, I felt underestimated. How our parents dealt with our triumphs and tribulations speaks volumes about who we believe we are today. Did your parents show empathy when you felt like a failure? Were they your biggest fans or your worst critics?
Every one of us has an inner child. Most of us still have a wounded child alive within us. The emotional garbage we carry today, dates back to childhood. Here's the good news: It's never too late to heal old wounds. You just have to reset the date, go back in time, and get on the rollercoaster. You'll relive the highs and lows that have manifested into the person you are today. You'll understand how you became the person you are.
Overall, my childhood was fantastic! My parents believed family time was sacred, so they were very present. But like every child, I suffered. I looked up to my older sister, road her coattail, even lived in her shadow for a while. As much as it pained me to be labelled and compared, I see how I'm capable of transmitting those wounds to my own kids. I'm learning to untie those emotional knots by accepting my children for who they are, not what they are.
The "Mr. Men and Little Miss" series has some pretty interesting characters. I'd like to believe that each one of us is made up of multiple personalities. Heck we have good and bad days, so we never know what character mash up we're gonna be. Being Little Miss Clumsy today, doesn't mean I can't be Little Miss Careful tomorrow. One thing I know for sure is that I'll never be Little Miss Know-It-All! Embracing who you are, on any given day, is the best way to live through your inner child. Life is too short to be serious and heavy, so try to make it playful and light! Don't get infected by your old wounds. Instead, focus on living like a combo of: Little Miss Seeker, Little Miss Healer, Little Miss Kindness.

Got Kids? Bitch Here.

Tonight is one of those nights I wonder how I got into motherhood. How? Oh yes, it all happened when I foolishly stopped using contraception! So young (not really), so naive (indeed). I guess you can say my day took a sour turn when I picked up my children at daycare. I walked in smiling (naivety repeats), only to open their agendas, and see a big 'x' over the tornado (FYI - the tornado isn't the daily forecast)! 'La tornade' is the icon that best described their temperament today. It's nice to know they were aligned with Mother Nature. Although I'd rather tip toe out of the daycare, alone, I like the educators too much to leave my brats behind.
Clearly, their capricious behaviour follows me home. The highlights before dinner include: the pout, then whining with repetition, then the eye of the storm peeks with a crying fit. Why, why haven't I ever planned an emergency evacuation for times like these?! I'm breathing, they're whining. I'm breathing deeper, they're whining louder. I'm calling out to the Lord for help, as one is wrapped around my leg and the other is throwing herself on the floor. Calling all mothers and Mr. Moms out there - how do you keep your cool when your hot temper is firing up your blood pressure??
I'm often surrounded by children and I think I'm a mom that's mindful - especially towards other kids. I seem to have a high tolerance for sulking children, that aren't mine. I can sit there for half an hour patiently listening to their side of the story. I encourage them to express their emotions so they don't repress their hurt. But on the home front, it's usually an action packed drama, where everyone takes turns playing the villain and the victim. We've got the emotional mash up: anger, despair, excitement, happiness. I look forward to the day I become the new Kris Jenner, because my kids are talented. My daughter has perfected her dramatic audition by adding tears. My son may only be 2, but he can definitely throw a few punches. He's got facial scars with bruises that just upped his worth. So I've got Hollywood leading characters, but no tabloid coverage. Who needs "Keeping up with the Kardashians" when you can have "Losing it with the Luciferos"?!
Motherhood is like joining the army. You have days where, although you wake up early, you find yourself under the radar. Then you have those days, when you're up early again, and you're dodging bullets from all angles. You're fighting to survive, when playing dead seems like a better idea! I know I'm being dramatic, which is the result of 'one of those days'. That's when I think of the mother I met in a soccer field parking lot, with four young children (including twins) - I pray for her. I swear I do. Whatever it is that gives have the strength to bring all four children to a soccer game, remains an inspiring mystery. To all the other mothers who never, or very rarely, complain about their kids - please don't message me. I don't think we could be friends. There's a strength in numbers, and I'm only connecting with like-minded moms. It feels bloody good to release some steam once and a while. I complain, I cry, I fall down, I breathe, and I start over again. Everything works in polarities. You gotta have good and bad days for balance. It's OK to wish you could hide in the attic every Saturday afternoon. It's OK to spend quite time on your toilet bowl. It's OK to admit you're overwhelmed and unappreciated. Every single mother recognizes these feelings.
For me, anyhow, my daughter Chloe continues to be my most valuable teacher. She keeps me evolving into my mom role every day. It's quiet now, because they're sleeping. This is when I appreciate them the most ;) Sending love and light out to all the warrior moms out there. Praying for an enjoyable long week-end in the trenches of momhood. Actually I'm sending out love, light and laughter (the secret to sanity)! May the force be with you. Namaste.

Super Soul Summah

Vasisthasana in super soul sunshine

It's officially SUMMAH! For me, summer is way more exciting than starting a new year. I'm removing layers of clothing, exposing my feet to grass, and lovin' the sunlight (especially after 8 pm). Our Canadian climate has us living in darkness for roughly 105 days! How can I not make a big deal outta summer?! Time to put on your party visor and hook up with nature.
Summer isn't only about sunkissed cheeks, pedicured feet, and sangria mixes. Step outside, look up at the sun, and say cheers to natural light. Commit to making this summer your best yet by nourishing your mind, body, spirit.
Super-Soul-Summah: Mind
June is perfect for a mental detox and the remedy is meditation. Now, I'm guessing sitting crossed legged, with your eyes closed, listening to birds chirping, isn't for you. So before you click off this page, allow me to enlighten you on meditating. If you never thought you could meditate, than you're in for a surprise with "Marisa's Mindful Method". Summer is the best season for juicy fruits. Disconnect from technology, grab an orange, sit outside, and get ready to be mindful. Close your eyes and smell your orange. Touch it. Feel its texture. Is it smooth? Soft? Does it have any noticeable scars? With your eyes still closed, begin to peel it. As you peel away the skin, reflect on the life path of this orange. The journey began on a tree somewhere down south. Someone nourished the tree to ensure it grew to be healthy. Consider all the love this orange was given as it travelled across the globe, eventually landing in the aisle of a grocery store. You then walked in and selected the very orange you're peeling. Now you may open your eyes. With the peel removed, you can see its core. Just like us, our exterior might be flawed, but the best part is the inside. Close your eyes again. Take a bite and chew your orange with mindfulness. Pay attention to its taste. Notice if it's sour, sweet, juicy, or even cold. Now as your body is being nourished, send love and gratitude to all the people who contributed to the journey of this orange. Be grateful to this delightful fruit for all the nutrients it's providing your body, as well as your mind. Open your eyes. You just experienced a visualize meditation.
Super-Soul-Summah: Body
Though being in the dark about half the year has its pros (trying to be positive), nothing beats the blues like the sun. Sunlight is the best form for obtaining Vitamin D, which is created by the skin when exposed to UV rays from the sun. Not only is Vitamin D beneficial for bone health, but it's been proven to be an immune system booster. So before you lather on tons of sunscreen, give your skin 15 minutes (for thousands of units of vitamin D) of natural sunlight.  While your skin is feasting on Vitamin D, go pick some dandelions! Walking barefoot on these weeds is very therapeutic, but consuming them is even better. Dandelions are a fabulous relief for water retention, so before you start blaming the heat for your swollen feet, drink up some dandelion tea. If they're pesticide free, you can literally pick 'em and toss them in hot water. Voila, a dandelion tea party!
Super-Soul-Summah: Spirit
No one likes to be left in the dark. Summer is the ultimate time to honour light. It stimulates the organs of sight, allowing things to be visible. I do appreciate the dark because that's when the body rests. However, light awakens us, not only literally, but spiritually as well. From a metaphysical perspective, light represents faith. It serves as the bright side of things, the light at the end of the tunnel, optimism, reliance, security. On our darkest days, we rely on that crack of light to remind us that we're OK. No matter what hardship you're living, know this: "Darkness cannot drive out light; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that" - Martin Luther King Jr. Let this summer calm your mind, nourish your body, brighten your spirit.
Love&Light

I Feel. Therefore I am.



Reflecting in Ardha Chandra Chapasana

Did you read the quote, by Abraham Hicks, in this picture? How true is this statement?! Think about it - when someone makes you happy, it's because they're connecting to a part of you that recognizes that joy. And when someone makes you so angry you want to bitch slap them, it's because they're poking at anger that already exists in you. No one 'makes' you feel anything. Contrary to what you may believe, you have complete control over your feelings. The only thing that others can do, is awaken feelings that already exist within you. So when your bitchy boss throws you under the bus in the board room, (causing you to feel hurt, mad, undervalued) your feelings are simply reflecting her actions. Your re-action speaks much louder than her action. Do you get that?  What I think of you has everything to do with me, and very little to do with you. If I label you as judgemental, insensitive, unreliable, it's because somewhere in my life, I've put those labels on myself as well. Within all human relationships, we'll discover people who love us and people who hate us. The most valuable lesson to retain is, that in either circumstance, don't buy into someones opinion of you. Whatever they think of you, they think of themselves - good and bad. Now that you know this, think of someone you love and someone you strongly dislike. Describe what you love about your fave person and then clarify what irritates you about the other. Explore the emotions they awaken within you. Send gratitude out to both people in your life. After all, they show us what we need to learn, ONLY when we're open and ready to see that truth. People will guide us through emotional enlightenment. Be mindful of what they awaken and grow from what you discover.

 



Waiting for her Last Breath

Nonna Maria with her hero, Padre Pio

I'm sure you've been wondering why I haven't posted in a while. As some of you may be aware, my grandmother is very ill. However, writing my blog is very therapeutic, so today I've decided to let you in on what I'm living these days.
I've been spending my days by my grandmother's bedside, watching her take her final breaths. For two-and-a half years, she's been battling cancer. We observed first hand, the torture that comes with chemo. And though she experienced every possible side effect, the most traumatic consequence was that of losing her hair. At 78 years old, she treasured every lock. Every strand of grey had a story. When chemo came to an end, she was overjoyed to see her hair grow back. It was a rebirth to what would be the final chapter in her life.
My Nonna Maria has been my pillar since childhood. She practically raised me, and as most grandparents, she also spared me punishments and 'time outs'. Her compassion radar was so acute and connected to every person she came across. Perhaps her mindfulness to be loving and kind was rooted in her devotion to God, Jesus Christ, and the Church. She found such comfort in the words of the Holy Bible, absorbing every proclamation. Oftentimes, she'd recite a passage from the Bible as a means to justify her thoughts on a matter. One day, as we talked about her suffering, she looked at me and said in Italian, "Gesù ha sofferto per noi, ed anche noi dobbiamo soffrire" (Jesus suffered for us, so we must suffer as well). She never wanted pity for her pain. Until last week-end, she still fought to lead a normal life while on the cusp of death. Her name is holy, her faith is inarguable, and her spirit is pure. She's truly a rare human being that I'm blessed to have shared my life with.
Nonna Maria represents a woman who is committed to giving; a daughter who was guided by love; a sister who nurtured her 7 siblings; a wife who, even during chemo, remained dedicated to serving to husband; and most importantly, is her role as a mother. She has told me countless times, that a mother is always a mother. Through every trial, tribulation, accomplishment, or failure, she is wholly devoted to her two children, four grandchildren, and four great grandchildren.
I sit beside her each day, reciting the rosary, while watching her slowly make her way to the gates of Heaven. Every day, I hope to see her eyes open, so she can catch one final glimpse of my faithful eyes. I know she'll be in a peaceful place, watching over us, anticipating our next milestone.
Watching someone die is beyond painful. The last eye contact I had with her, she shed a tear. That tear was made up of every treasured memory we shared. Through this grievous experience, I've turned to my Buddhist guru for enlightenment. His words have been so comforting, so I want to share them with all of you so that you can live a more mindful life, like Nonna Maria did.
 "Life is impermanent, but that does not mean that it is not worth living. It is precisely because of its impermanence that we value life so dearly. Therefore we must know how to live each moment deeply and use it in a responsible way. If we are able to live the present moment completely, we will not feel regret later. We will know how to care for those who are close to us and how to bring them happiness. When we accept that all things are impermanent, we will not be incapacitated by suffering when things decay and die." - Thich Nhat Hanh
In the last months, I've been privileged to have spent my free time with my grandmother. I realized that being present for someone you care deeply about, is the best gift you can offer. Remember that. Be present, so when it's time to let go, you'll have no regrets.
Namaste.

3 Ways to Fuck Cancer

pintrest.com

We've all heard it before. Your mother, sister, grandfather, friend, or you - "You have Cancer". As you absorb those heavy words, you visualize a train heading at full speed, in your direction.
According to cancer.ca, 'Cancer is a disease that mostly affects Canadians aged 50 and older, but it can occur at any age.' May be it's time to adjust that statement since, in the last 2 years, I have known 5 people, UNDER 40, whose lives were taken by this bullshit disease! Wake up human race! We're all on the battlefield and unless you start arming yourself with the right ammunition, you'll be next!
#1. Food
Why are so many of us battling this merciless disease? Yes, the hormones, pesticides, aspartame, dioxin, genetically altered seeds (thanks Monsanto!) do contribute to the overwhelming increase in tumours. After all, we're eating and drinking small amounts of toxic crap daily, thus weakening our immune system over time. So, #1 Eat Sensibly. I'm not saying you can’t indulge in fast food or Tim Horton’s iced lattes, but be conscious of what you're eating. If you're eating habits are poor, include supplements in your diet. Running low on energy? Take some Royal Jelly (its bee pollen available at any natural health store). Hate eating veggies? Take a shot of wheatgrass daily. Get informed on easy dietary adjustments to keep your immune system healthy. Should cancer surface, your body will be prepared to defend itself.
#2. Tune In
We all love to hear ourselves talk, but while we're yapping away, we can't hear what our body is trying to tell us. If you have a reoccurring symptom, don't ignore it. If you feel comforted by antibiotics/band aid solutions, stop! Take responsibility for your body. Ask questions. Get to the root of the physical illness. From a sore throat, to a runny nose, to a dislocated knee, there's a wholistic reason behind each condition. Look beyond the literal of, "My neck is sore because I made a sharp turn". Your neck is sore because MAY BE you're a little stubborn, inflexible and refuse to see other sides of a situation. I'm definitely no doctor, but I've studied wholistic health and this is how we approach all distresses. It's never just black and white. There are always multiple layers to the final outcome, which I prefer to call a rainbow. So, #2 listen to your body. First it whispers, then it talks, then it yells. By the time it yells, it's so pissed off at you, it makes you suffer.
#3. Accept & Let Go
I believe that 98% of dis-ease is caused by stress. We all know stress and we all deal with it differently. Stress isn't only related to work, your kids, or financial worry. Stress is like a seed that you plant in your body. When you live through trauma such as, a loss, divorce, abandonment, abuse, rape, or any circumstance you cannot seem to let go of, you are watering a distressed seed. Your seed is growing when you suppress your anger, sadness, fear related to your trauma. You must deal with your suffering. How do you do that? Let your pain live out of your body. Try a contact sport, like boxing, even pounding a pillow works. Whatever will allow your body to release untapped emotions, is healthy.
We all suffer, but at different times. You're not alone. Crawl out of your darkness one tear at a time. Let go of what you cannot control. The cold, hard truth is that resistance will land you sitting across an MD who'll tell you, "You have Cancer". Every single person I know whose ill awakened their disease after something traumatic took place or after years of suppressing their emotions. So, start taking action. You can choose to repress, resist and nurture your tumour to grow or you can help yourself. Get unstuck because you matter.
If you'd like any info on therapists, energy healers, self-help books, please don't hesitate to send me a personal and confidential message to my email address: marisa1276@gmail.com.
For anyone who is living with any illness, I send you love and light - the light is always there, but you'll only see it when you're ready.
Namaste.

 

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,
There will come a day when you will be able to read this letter. As Mother's Day approaches, I wanted to honour this occasion by giving you the gift of my written words. Soon you'll be 5 years old, which confirms that time doesn't come with a pause app.
When you were born, my dear friend, Mary Ann, gave me a book entitled, 'I Was a Really Good Mom Before I had Kids'. Right there, at the Jewish General Hospital, the Universe saw the future! The title of that book was so telling, it revealed my maternal challenges in waiting. I'll admit, you were a good sleeper (thank God); you weren't a fussy eater (yipee); you were a dream jet setter (Amen) - BUT boy, were you ever active! Before you could walk, you wanted to fly. I still think that if you don't become the next Barbara Walters, you'll be the main attraction in a Cirque du Soeil production.
Looking back at my high school years, I clearly recall Nancy's mom telling me I'd one day be a reporter! I loved (still do) hearing myself talk before large audiences. Like me, you've been blessed with the 'gift-of-gab'. Although, most days, my tone hits a high pitch with a hint of anger, you know how to revert me back to 4 years old!
You see Chloe, you're my mirror, so whenever you show me something I don't like about myself, I get irritated. There's no doubt that you're my most treasured teacher. No one pokes at my inner child as often as you do. Yet amidst the verbal chaos, the highlight of my day comes when I tuck you in bed and you recite how much you love me: "I love you like the sky, the moon, the stars, the rainbows, the butterflies, the grass, the flowers, the water, the whole Universe". Sometimes you even include the wallpaper in your room, lip gloss, and a pack of gum!
There are days when I wonder why you picked me to be your Mommy. Then I remember my childhood and how scared I was of whatever I couldn't control. Whether it was the ocean, flying, amusement rides, or even dogs, they all made me feel anxious. But not you Chloe. You instead have this impulsive attitude that gets a rush out of fearful circumstances. You're likely to ride the heart pounding rollercoaster at the fair, dive into the deep end of the pool and celebrate a bumpy airplane landing!! I have no idea how YOU came outta ME. May be you picked me as your Mommy because you have so much to teach me.
So on my fourth Mother's Day, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have you in my life. You're a committed big sister, who eagerly mentors your little brother to be daring. And though we learn from eachother, I admire your perseverance to get what you want. I believe you'll always be like a firework - bright, dramatic, and bursting with awe, awe, awe! May you forever be stimulated while 'interviewing' others, tempted by adventure, and compassionate towards yourself. Thank you for your daily teachings of patience, acceptance, love and deep breathing.
Love you to the moon and back,
Mommy Marisa