Clearly, their capricious behaviour follows me home. The highlights before dinner include: the pout, then whining with repetition, then the eye of the storm peeks with a crying fit. Why, why haven't I ever planned an emergency evacuation for times like these?! I'm breathing, they're whining. I'm breathing deeper, they're whining louder. I'm calling out to the Lord for help, as one is wrapped around my leg and the other is throwing herself on the floor. Calling all mothers and Mr. Moms out there - how do you keep your cool when your hot temper is firing up your blood pressure??
I'm often surrounded by children and I think I'm a mom that's mindful - especially towards other kids. I seem to have a high tolerance for sulking children, that aren't mine. I can sit there for half an hour patiently listening to their side of the story. I encourage them to express their emotions so they don't repress their hurt. But on the home front, it's usually an action packed drama, where everyone takes turns playing the villain and the victim. We've got the emotional mash up: anger, despair, excitement, happiness. I look forward to the day I become the new Kris Jenner, because my kids are talented. My daughter has perfected her dramatic audition by adding tears. My son may only be 2, but he can definitely throw a few punches. He's got facial scars with bruises that just upped his worth. So I've got Hollywood leading characters, but no tabloid coverage. Who needs "Keeping up with the Kardashians" when you can have "Losing it with the Luciferos"?!
Motherhood is like joining the army. You have days where, although you wake up early, you find yourself under the radar. Then you have those days, when you're up early again, and you're dodging bullets from all angles. You're fighting to survive, when playing dead seems like a better idea! I know I'm being dramatic, which is the result of 'one of those days'. That's when I think of the mother I met in a soccer field parking lot, with four young children (including twins) - I pray for her. I swear I do. Whatever it is that gives have the strength to bring all four children to a soccer game, remains an inspiring mystery. To all the other mothers who never, or very rarely, complain about their kids - please don't message me. I don't think we could be friends. There's a strength in numbers, and I'm only connecting with like-minded moms. It feels bloody good to release some steam once and a while. I complain, I cry, I fall down, I breathe, and I start over again. Everything works in polarities. You gotta have good and bad days for balance. It's OK to wish you could hide in the attic every Saturday afternoon. It's OK to spend quite time on your toilet bowl. It's OK to admit you're overwhelmed and unappreciated. Every single mother recognizes these feelings.
For me, anyhow, my daughter Chloe continues to be my most valuable teacher. She keeps me evolving into my mom role every day. It's quiet now, because they're sleeping. This is when I appreciate them the most ;) Sending love and light out to all the warrior moms out there. Praying for an enjoyable long week-end in the trenches of momhood. Actually I'm sending out love, light and laughter (the secret to sanity)! May the force be with you. Namaste.
