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| Nonna Maria with her hero, Padre Pio |
I've been spending my days by my grandmother's bedside, watching her take her final breaths. For two-and-a half years, she's been battling cancer. We observed first hand, the torture that comes with chemo. And though she experienced every possible side effect, the most traumatic consequence was that of losing her hair. At 78 years old, she treasured every lock. Every strand of grey had a story. When chemo came to an end, she was overjoyed to see her hair grow back. It was a rebirth to what would be the final chapter in her life.
My Nonna Maria has been my pillar since childhood. She practically raised me, and as most grandparents, she also spared me punishments and 'time outs'. Her compassion radar was so acute and connected to every person she came across. Perhaps her mindfulness to be loving and kind was rooted in her devotion to God, Jesus Christ, and the Church. She found such comfort in the words of the Holy Bible, absorbing every proclamation. Oftentimes, she'd recite a passage from the Bible as a means to justify her thoughts on a matter. One day, as we talked about her suffering, she looked at me and said in Italian, "Gesù ha sofferto per noi, ed anche noi dobbiamo soffrire" (Jesus suffered for us, so we must suffer as well). She never wanted pity for her pain. Until last week-end, she still fought to lead a normal life while on the cusp of death. Her name is holy, her faith is inarguable, and her spirit is pure. She's truly a rare human being that I'm blessed to have shared my life with.
Nonna Maria represents a woman who is committed to giving; a daughter who was guided by love; a sister who nurtured her 7 siblings; a wife who, even during chemo, remained dedicated to serving to husband; and most importantly, is her role as a mother. She has told me countless times, that a mother is always a mother. Through every trial, tribulation, accomplishment, or failure, she is wholly devoted to her two children, four grandchildren, and four great grandchildren.
I sit beside her each day, reciting the rosary, while watching her slowly make her way to the gates of Heaven. Every day, I hope to see her eyes open, so she can catch one final glimpse of my faithful eyes. I know she'll be in a peaceful place, watching over us, anticipating our next milestone.
Watching someone die is beyond painful. The last eye contact I had with her, she shed a tear. That tear was made up of every treasured memory we shared. Through this grievous experience, I've turned to my Buddhist guru for enlightenment. His words have been so comforting, so I want to share them with all of you so that you can live a more mindful life, like Nonna Maria did.
"Life is impermanent, but that does not mean that it is not worth living. It is precisely because of its impermanence that we value life so dearly. Therefore we must know how to live each moment deeply and use it in a responsible way. If we are able to live the present moment completely, we will not feel regret later. We will know how to care for those who are close to us and how to bring them happiness. When we accept that all things are impermanent, we will not be incapacitated by suffering when things decay and die." - Thich Nhat Hanh
In the last months, I've been privileged to have spent my free time with my grandmother. I realized that being present for someone you care deeply about, is the best gift you can offer. Remember that. Be present, so when it's time to let go, you'll have no regrets.
Namaste.
