First Grade Funk

Syllable Sonata Vol. 1

Dear God, please help me during this painful time of homework. Where there is anger, let me be calm. Where there are mistakes, make me pardon. Where there is impatience, let me breathe. Where there is despair, give me hope. Where there is darkness, let me see light.
"Mmmmmm-aaaaaaaaa. Mmmmmmm-ooooooooo, ooooooooooo-uuuuuuuuu, ooooooo-iiiiiiii". Thanks to these French syllables, I may need botox earlier than anticipated. My mornings start with repeats of syllables while in traffic. As soon as we get home from school, I break out, in what could make a bestselling learning jam of, MA-MO-MI-OU-OI-TU-TA-TÉ. At this point, I'm thinking of creating a mix of these two-letter sounds, featuring Nicki Minaj in the background. My daughter would be fist-pumping these syllables in no time.
I heard first grade was tough, but I never thought it would awaken such anger and frustration. First, it's a big adjustment for kids, given that they spend most of their day sitting in front of a desk. That's a challenge in itself. Then they come home with words to rehearse for testing at the end of the week. Now, if these words were sung by Katy Perry, Chloe would be busting out in song all day 'n night. Somehow though, when I sing them, she just looks at me with blank eyes and deaf ears.
Last week, I wondered, "should I have just sent her to English school?" Of course, as a Mom, the first place you hit up for blame is yourself. Your child is struggling one month in to school, so you panic. Being the resourceful chic that I am, I start to search all these educationally "fun" websites for inspiration on how to get her mojo going. I made q-cards with cute pictures thinking she'll definitely get it now. And then I ask her to write two letters - just two, and she looks at me as though I went from French to Chinese.
I must be doing something wrong! In my defense, I never applied to teach  prèmiere année. Not only do I have to re-take first grade (en Francais) but I have to sit in silence (ya right!) as she guesses, "dessine", when I'm holding up the word "colorie". And then I break out in syllable song - "ddddeeeessssssssssiiiiiinnnnneeee". Blank look, deaf ears, take two. Where is my first grade emergency kit that includes: gin, cucumber slices, and ice??
I truly hope a recording artist lands on this post, gets inspired and asks Selena Gomez to create a mash-up of syllables in vibrato. I may not have mastered in teaching primary school, but I did graduate in marketing. Why hasn't anyone thought of doing this??  Until that breakthrough manifests, I'm back to designing my own "examine de lecture". Are all you Moms doing this? Are your kids breezing through 'et' vs 'est'? If not, then where is our support group? Why does my inbox not have an invite to a 'First Grade Freak Out Session'? I mustn't be alone here. I'm losing my cool almost every night. I'm not sure if she just doesn't get it or if our expectations are just too high. But before you comment that 'it'll get better', 'hang in there', I'd like to acknowledge that I'm disappointed in our educational direction. Is it really so valuable to a six year old child's, developing self-esteem, to be able to recognize the word, 'souligne'? I know adults who can't spell that word! So as I'm belting away my own little version of syllable beats in French, deep down I'm hoping my daughter isn't taking any of her mistakes to heart.
Chloe, one day you'll read this, so I want you to know that I never expected (or secretly hoped), you'd be soaring through prèmiere année. All I really want is for you to try your best in everything you do, regardless of the result. Not all work is fun, but whatever you do learn, will contribute to your growth and how you react throughout the process, will become your best teacher.
To all the parents with a strong desire to see their child succeed, I hear your screams. I recognize your effort, impatience, and dedication to stay the course. May the academic force be with us as we stumble through the school year with humility and compassion for our children, as well as all teachers.

I Wish I Could Call in Sick

Three pairs of socks and two polos later, she still struggles with her morning outfit. But wait! She wears a uniform and she now has ten minutes for breakfast, hair, and hygiene. And since she's a girl, hair consumes half of our morning ritual. "Make my ponytail tighter! Put another elastic. It's too high! No, it's too low! Wait, I see a "bosse" (bump)! Redo it."
Four hair elastics later, I'm wondering if she's getting enough oxygen to her brain. When she jets off, slamming the door behind her, I'm reassured that indeed there's no interrupted flow of oxygen, hence her behaviour is on point!
Mornings at my house come with an advisory - thunder with chances of life-threatening lightning. There's a lot of noise: deep breathing, sighs, whining, and when everyone is at snail pace, there's screaming. When I tell my daughter she just lost a privilege for slamming the door, she tells me she won't hug me at the school gate. And when I tell her she's lucky she even has a mom, she tells me, "I have Daddy and Nonna". Where did I go wrong? What did I eat during the nine months that she was developing? Why am I failing at motherhood? I wish I could call in sick!
We all have those days, when we look at our kids, wondering if we were accidentally slipped acid during pregnancy. Who is this little being with a sharp tongue and eyes of blame? I won't go down the "When I was a kid..." path, but heck I know for sure I wasn't lippy with my mom at six years old. Needless to say, I was eager to drop her off at school today. I felt guilty (30 seconds) that her day was starting in a bad mood, but that was her choice. I know she's only six, but while I'm at work, I'm sure she's taking extra classes on manipulation.
The reason why I'm actually sharing this info, is because I've been on mommy blogs like, "Hands Free Mama" and "The Orange Rhino -365 day challenge of no yelling" to improve at this job. Oh yes, I've got my resources for improvement all highlighted in my favorites. Suddenly, instead of thinking "I love watching you play", I'm thinking, "I love watching you go to school for 8 hours". And then I read how yelling shuts down communication (however, my girl fights for the last word). Or how "nothing changes until you do". Ouch! When do we catch a break?
To all you moms out there who can relate to the frustrations of raising a child, that makes you work overtime without pay, let's hug it out in cyberspace. This morning my thoughts were filled with a list of whys and whats. I still ask why I can't seem to manage her behaviour or what I'm doing wrong. We want our kids to reflect back what we give them - love, support, compassion; not yelling or impatience.  Of course when they yell or lose patience with us, we'd rather ignore them or pretend they're not ours.
I'm not trying to achieve a standard of perfection in parenting. I don't believe that exists. All I want is a child who'll give me a hug even when they don't feel it's deserved. But most importantly I want my child to listen without fighting for the last word. As a mom, you try to build a relationship with your daughter that's fun, unconventional, and easy, but that's unrealistic. This recipe is far more complicated than a vegan lasagna. No one said motherhood was easy, nor did it claim that we'd understand that they're exactly the person they're supposed to be. "And that, if you're lucky, she just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you're supposed to be". Some reflection required.
Thanks for stumbling along with me as I navigate through mothership without a helmet. Let's all smile, laugh a little, and admit we'd like to call in sick some days.

Listen




Seven Chakras - your gateway to self-discovery

It's been too long since we last spoke. Actually I spoke and you listened. I'm beginning to think that part of the reason my throat chakra is still derailed, is because I miss being listened to, by you. You're far more than simply a reader to me. You're my platform where I can share all my worries, celebrate achievements, bitch about my ego, all in hope that I have helped a single soul feel better.
Over the past three years, I've developed this desire to help anyone wishing to deepen their relationship with themselves. Through teaching yoga, I'm also satisfying a need to be needed by others. I began writing this blog out of boredom and curiosity. Who would read? What would they think? How would they feel? I kept this blog as my diary to the world, sharing whatever I felt - happy, sad, angry, confused, cranky. After every post, I felt a little closer to my spirit, for every word had weight. Some words were light and fun, while others were heavy, yet once typed, became soft. I never held my words back, keeping my feelings real in every post. So, it's been way too long since we last touched base. Boy, how I've missed you!
This past month has been loaded with change. I changed work environment, my daughter started first grade, and my three year old started hockey. Those changes have all been scary, but exciting simultaneously. But I've also been experiencing physical shifts that brought me to deep reflection. I got my first vaginal infection, followed by a minor cold that stole my voice for an entire day. My body was clearly responding to my thoughts, my emotions, combined with all the change that came through this month.
I guess I've been struggling with creative expression since I broke up with my 5-days-a-week, too-many-hours-to-count, career. I have no regrets about trading high heels for barefeet, insanity for sanity. As much as I love my life, the fact that I don't fill my hours with 'a career' can be challenging for me. Teaching yoga is an absolute blessing, but five hours a week just isn't enough. Yikes, I thought I got divorced from the word 'enough' years ago. Here come those old, limited beliefs, creeping up again that include having to be somewhere, doing something for at least 7 hours a day. Yes, evidently my ego has joined our convo. That relationship is still unbroken.
September has been an enlightening month for me. My physical blockages manifested into infection, as well as a silent voice. Losing my voice would probably be my body's most obvious way to get me to listen. My creativity has been on pause for some time (hence my lack of writing). Given that I'm a highly creative individual, that fact has been difficult to swallow. When my voice went out, I realized that I've tuned out the voices around me, as well as my inner voice.
So why am I sharing my gynecological issues with you? Because I cannot stress enough how important it is to LISTEN to your body! The fact is the body responds to blockages, usually caused by emotional damage. Take time to listen, reflect, and react to what is going on inside you. We all have old wounds buried within us. Sometimes we just get stuck in limited beliefs, insecurities, judgement, fear, blame, which we'd rather ignore.
As always, I continue to experience, to grow, to fall over and to learn. Had I not been hit with a double dose of physical obstacles, I'm not sure I'd be writing today. And as each typed letter revealed a word, I discovered that I continue to be challenged by my ego. May we all listen to our inner voice a little better, choose a little wiser, so we may live to our body's full capacity of a balanced mind and spirit.

What I Learned from Robin Williams

You are perfect. Your stubbornness, mistakes, misinterpretation of “no” as “yes”, is valuable in creating who you are.  Every word you think and speak is powerful. After learning of Robin Williams’ suicide, I realized, more than ever, that what manifests through our thoughts dictates the state of our wellbeing.
Bullied through middle school for being chubby, Robin Williams discovered humor as a means to gain respect from his tormentors.  He also used his jokes to entertain his mother so she would pay attention to him. Having two children myself, nothing brings them more joy than my undivided attention.  So how badly wounded was this iconic actor and comedian to have hung himself?
He was adored the world over, with memorable roles, quick wit, and kind smile. He had to have known how loved he was. But did he love himself as much as we loved him? Guess not.  The irony of it all is how he recovered from open heart surgery, but was killed by his brain. No one will ever know what his self-talk sounded like. Most of us aren’t aware of our mental repeat mode we tune into every day.
Robin Williams’ death has made me redefine my choice of words. The words that run through my head will have a new spin. And rather than speaking fast-paced without reflection, I will make a conscious effort to avoid using hurtful, unloving words. Somewhere in his lifetime, Robin was told mean things that stuck. Later in life, he was probably spoken to with more admiration than not, however, the ugly stuck and stayed.
What we tell ourselves every minute has an impact on our wellbeing. The words we choose, during heated times, are impactful. And the repeated negative statements we tell our children will grow within them. We are responsible for planting seeds of love and hate within ourselves and our children. Choose whether you want to grow a nurturing garden or weeds.
Remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You might believe that you will be perfect ten pounds lighter, with accolades decorating your office, or by being present for your children, spouse, and boss equally. In my view, perfection is merely a balance between all our blessings and our flaws. Without weaknesses, there’s no growth. And what a dull life you’d have without improvement.
The suicide of Robin Williams has brought deep reflection to my brain power. He has validated a fact that our thoughts command the human body. To have lived with a passion to move the human spirit through laughter, while struggling with self-love, is selfless.  I am forever grateful for his many roles in which he made me reflect, learn, and of course, laugh.
May your self-talk be kind and your words be rooted in love. May you be happy just the way you are. Nanu-Nanu!

 

 

To the Moon and Back

This is it. It's time - for change, for new goals that will enrich our lives, and for peace. On August 10th, we will welcome the super full moon  (when the moon is closest to Earth). I've been waiting with excitement for this day. Why, you wonder? The new moon is a magical time to welcome new beginnings, revised intentions, and prepare to breathe new life into change you wish to manifest.

The world is yearning for peace, but we can never have global peace if we are at war within ourselves. Peace starts with you. It's time to take responsibility for our actions, our words, our energy so that we can achieve global peace. So, on August 10th, take time to commit to new goals or wishes and plant your seeds.
The birthing cycle of the moon is perfect for setting intentions by using universal energies to set your desires in motion. Will you join me in a moon ritual focused on manifesting change?
Have a journal and pen handy to record your intentions, a candle, a vision board (if you have one), as well as any photos, and crystals, stones or objects that are sacred to you. Find a comfortable, quiet area to sit on the floor. You can use a "smudge stick" made of sage, light the end, and as the smoke comes up, use it to cleanse the energy around you. If you don't have sage, take an incense stick and declare, "Cleanse my aura of all negative energy. Let my actions, as well as my thoughts, be for the benefit of all beings".


My super full moon alter

As you sit, list all your intentions that you wish to manifest. Be specific. Tell the Universe what you strongly desire. Make your affirmations personal, as you know your story better than anyone else. You know your fears, anger, sadness, strengths, weakness, and what you really want to bring into your life. If you have an illness, this is the ideal time to focus on eliminating crippling fears, letting go of any bitterness or anger, and allowing the energetic pull of the moon to rid your body and spirit of all negative crap that no longer serves you.
Open your journal, date the page, and write, "I accept these gifts into my life now or something better for my highest good and for the highest good of all beings". Then begin to write your affirmation statements, highlighting goals you wish to achieve. You can be creative by writing your intentions, placing them in a helium balloon, and sending them off into the world.
Your intentions are rooted in longings that surface regularly. Take time to revise these wishes, see what comes up. Then write them down and during the supermoon, close your eyes, declare your affirmations to the Universe. A big part of the new moon rituals' success, comes after. Try to keep your intentions close to you, make notes on your progress, and celebrate any signs of change at the next full moon. Keep in mind that you must do your part, beyond simply listing your affirmations or goals. You must commit to realize each intention. Nothing will develop if you don't do anything to support your affirmations. So start thinking of what you want to draw into your life and may the force or pull of the supermoon be with you on August 10th.
Blessings & Peace to All

I Bow

Social media was exploding yesterday with quotes, images, even videos of Maya Angelou, after news broke of her death. I knew her words made a lasting impression on many, but I never realized the breadth of her admirers. Most were sharing their favorite quotes from a woman who met success by telling the human truth. Her autobiographies were inked in her traumatic experiences, ancestral suffering, and pride in her triumphant uprising. 
I bonded with Maya Angelou in her book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and through her poem, I Rise. By wide acclaim, she will go down in history as a pioneer for black women or any woman tangled in struggles and fear. After reading her beautiful words, in many posts yesterday, I offer you this reminder -
If Maya Angelou influenced you in any way, let her last words be your truth:

I will forever dance like I've got diamonds at the meeting of my thighs.
Thank you for your words that will forever echo in my thoughts. I rise and I bow to your divine spirit. RIP

4 Lou

Four months after the birth of my son, I couldn't recognize myself. On the outside nothing changed, but on the inside, I was a tornado. Right before the storm would hit, I'd be still. Then thoughts would start to whisper worry, my heart would throb violently, and that would prompt my body to shake uncontrollably. And once the storm would pass, I'd find myself in a million pieces. My tornado was called anxiety. Two years have passed since anxiety last struck, all thanks to my psychotherapist, life coach, spiritual guide, Louise.
This past Friday, May 9th, 2014, Louise moved on to a new life path in heaven. Unbeknownst to me, she was battling breast cancer for a few years. I remember showing up at an appointment wearing my famous 'Fuck Cancer' tshirt when she said, "Why Fuck Cancer? I like CanCure instead. It's more positive." I was unaware that was her word for Cancer.
I'd visit with her to review my hibernating emotions. I'd cry, laugh, complain, yet she always had the right words to share with me. She knew when to be tough, when to be compassionate, when to poke, when to back off. Louise started off as my psychotherapist (teaching me how to breathe) and went on to become my guiding light. Within 6 months of knowing her, I changed my entire life. She helped me find my voice through service, after leaving a career I relied on for validation.
We last met in August when she gave me a rare piece of chaga (aka “Gift from God” a unique, woodlike mushroom, called the “Mushroom of Immortality,” used by humans to support health for thousands of years). I never boiled it, as she advised. It rests in a special drawer - now a memento.
After hearing she has breast cancer, I would never see her again. I wondered 'how?' and 'why her?' Why breast cancer? Breasts represent mothering and nurturing. Breast problems develop from putting everyone else first with a refusal to nourish yourself. Louise was committed to serving and helping others. May be her need was to cultivate hope for those suffering.
When I first called her years ago, she told me she was retiring. A few weeks later, she called me back announcing she was 'semi-retired'. She could have spent her days on her canoe or travelling the world, but instead she honored her calling to serve. She was self-less but still fulfilled her passion for living.
Louise helped me discover myself through my light, as well as my darkness. She taught me how to love and accept both equally. In March, she took time to write about her dying days. I want to share this message (which her brother made public) so you too can be inspired during adversity.



CanCure Rockstar, Lou

"CanCure" patients always think Positive!!!!

“Here I am, awaiting the end of my life in a facility where “People come to die!”
Everyone in a bed at this Care Center is going to die soon, certainly sooner than they would have liked.
We are all afflicted by the same decease, commonly known as Cancer. I do not like the word Cancer; I prefer to call it “CanCure”. Cancer is negative and Can Cure is positive. I realize that sounds ridiculous to you considering where I am, but I fervently believe that my “CanCure” attitude has bought me precious time in this life.
In my opinion, I’ve used that time wisely. I have spent more quality time with my family and close friends. After a lifetime of knowing them all, I feel that now I finally really know them and they really know me!
I have learned that there are only two things that matter in my life: LOVE and FEAR. My last days are being spent sharing the love I have and basking in the love I am being given. I have also used my last time here to learn about fear. It is the only thing that stops you from getting what you really want and need in your life.
If ever you or one of your loved ones finds yourself in my position, these would be my words of advice to you:
Focus on the positive and not the negative.
Do not underestimate yourself; you have no idea how powerful you are.
You create your life through your thoughts and your actions, so you can create whatever you want.”
- Louise McDougall Markey

Louise, I know you're proud of how you spent your dash! I'm forever grateful to have had you in my life, at the right time, just like the Universe manifested it as such. Your soul was ready for lift off. Thanks for the guidance, enlightenment, blessings, and kisses on both cheeks. Your last words to me, on March 22nd, were: "Life is a marvel and one must follow ones calling....always." The teacher in me, bows to the teacher in you. RIP. Amen.