Four hair elastics later, I'm wondering if she's getting enough oxygen to her brain. When she jets off, slamming the door behind her, I'm reassured that indeed there's no interrupted flow of oxygen, hence her behaviour is on point!
Mornings at my house come with an advisory - thunder with chances of life-threatening lightning. There's a lot of noise: deep breathing, sighs, whining, and when everyone is at snail pace, there's screaming. When I tell my daughter she just lost a privilege for slamming the door, she tells me she won't hug me at the school gate. And when I tell her she's lucky she even has a mom, she tells me, "I have Daddy and Nonna". Where did I go wrong? What did I eat during the nine months that she was developing? Why am I failing at motherhood? I wish I could call in sick!
We all have those days, when we look at our kids, wondering if we were accidentally slipped acid during pregnancy. Who is this little being with a sharp tongue and eyes of blame? I won't go down the "When I was a kid..." path, but heck I know for sure I wasn't lippy with my mom at six years old. Needless to say, I was eager to drop her off at school today. I felt guilty (30 seconds) that her day was starting in a bad mood, but that was her choice. I know she's only six, but while I'm at work, I'm sure she's taking extra classes on manipulation.
The reason why I'm actually sharing this info, is because I've been on mommy blogs like, "Hands Free Mama" and "The Orange Rhino -365 day challenge of no yelling" to improve at this job. Oh yes, I've got my resources for improvement all highlighted in my favorites. Suddenly, instead of thinking "I love watching you play", I'm thinking, "I love watching you go to school for 8 hours". And then I read how yelling shuts down communication (however, my girl fights for the last word). Or how "nothing changes until you do". Ouch! When do we catch a break?
To all you moms out there who can relate to the frustrations of raising a child, that makes you work overtime without pay, let's hug it out in cyberspace. This morning my thoughts were filled with a list of whys and whats. I still ask why I can't seem to manage her behaviour or what I'm doing wrong. We want our kids to reflect back what we give them - love, support, compassion; not yelling or impatience. Of course when they yell or lose patience with us, we'd rather ignore them or pretend they're not ours.
I'm not trying to achieve a standard of perfection in parenting. I don't believe that exists. All I want is a child who'll give me a hug even when they don't feel it's deserved. But most importantly I want my child to listen without fighting for the last word. As a mom, you try to build a relationship with your daughter that's fun, unconventional, and easy, but that's unrealistic. This recipe is far more complicated than a vegan lasagna. No one said motherhood was easy, nor did it claim that we'd understand that they're exactly the person they're supposed to be. "And that, if you're lucky, she just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you're supposed to be". Some reflection required.
Thanks for stumbling along with me as I navigate through mothership without a helmet. Let's all smile, laugh a little, and admit we'd like to call in sick some days.
