"Don't look back, you're not going that way", read the sign. Over the past few months, I've been separating my life in 'take' or 'toss' piles. During this process, I've observed the human desire of attachment to the past. Although purging did prove to be difficult, I realized that the greatest release went far beyond tossing mementos or yearbooks.
I haven't written in a long time because this is where my feelings come to breathe. This is where all the layers come off. I come undone. This is where crisis finds a cure. This is where I lay the truth to rest. When I find myself disconnecting from the truth, stuffing discomfort, or numbing feelings I'd rather forget, you won't hear from me. I want to be adored for my commitment to the truth, not for decorating lies. With all my years of yoga practice, I still get overwhelmed with feelings I try to rationalize. I wander so far deep in my thoughts, that only when my knees hit the floor, do I gain clarity.
One thing I know for sure is that separating your life in 'take' or 'toss' is highly therapeutic. You take what sparks joy and you toss what no longer serves you. Once I discarded the things I didn't need, I did the same with my relationships. I eliminated toxic behaviour I had allowed for too long. As an opinionated, strong spoken woman, I can sadly be submissive when I feel powerless. For years I allowed others to talk down to me, which served me well. Yes, you read right! It served me well. The abuse reminded me to fall in love with myself over and over again. Because when you love yourself, you know better than to lower your head and silence your thoughts.
This is a glimpse into my truth. I've spent countless days reflecting on my past. I'm not always happy with the choices I made, but I would have chosen the same. I know I'm being guided by the universe and I trust what unfolds before me. As I prepared for a new beginning in a new home, I also wanted a new mindset. Time is an illusion and life makes no promises. I decided to stop waiting for later, tomorrow, next year. Now, I'm influenced by one question, "Does this spark joy?" This sentence brings me closest to the truth. If it doesn't feel joyful, don't do it! I won't sit with company that doesn't feed my soul. I won't comfort others with bullshit. I don't do artificial flowers or friends. And most importantly, I just want to love unconditionally, be loved for my truth, and hold myself responsible for loving myself. Everything I tossed - pots, pictures, people - were significant in my story (even the pots!). They all served their purpose which I'm grateful for. I can't say it was easy, but again, we can do hard things. If you want to receive, you need to release.
As this new moon comes around this weekend, I wish you joy on this journey. Commit to a new mindset for a new beginning. It's never too late to choose joy. It's always there. You may not see it, but you can feel it. Remember that we're complete, but not finished. We're constantly evolving into who we need to be in this lifetime. There's no finish line. Make mistakes, grow from them, look forward, follow your heart, choose joy - you'll never regret it.
