The Dash

The Dashby Linda Ellis

 

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
​the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

​So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

 

 copyright 1996

The Fork

On Easter Sunday, I felt this need to attend morning mass. I was feeling a little guilty for not having confessed, but I felt I'd be partially forgiven if I showed up. Plus I had committed to Lent, so I was prepared to celebrate with the big guy. Showing up, with a humble heart (after all, it is a holiday centered on suffering), was the best decision I had made in a while.
The priest shared some memorable quotes and unforgettable stories. One quote that struck me was the following: "I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am". Let that marinate for a minute. How freakin' true is that?! How often do you wish you could always be this loving, caring, patient human being? I can so relate to that quote, especially as a mom. I spend days working with children in daycare. A child could be having a meltdown over the seating arrangement, and I'm offering comforting hugs. But if that was my child, oh boy, I'd have the look of death paired with flaring nostrils. Don't I wish I was the cool cucumber mom the daycare kids think I am!
After being touched by the priest's monologue, I wake up every day seeing how long I can last without snapping, gossiping, judging, or complaining. Every time I catch myself doing any of the above, I tell myself I can always start over. Most of us spend our entire lives trying to our best selves. We all want to be loved. We all want to succeed. We all want to be happy. But what if the best is yet to come?
When I heard this next story (still in church) I couldn't wait to share it! A woman who attended church regularly was terminally ill and given a 3 month death sentence. As she began making her funeral arrangements, she invited the priest over to her house to discuss the details. From the eulogy, to the music, to her wardrobe - she didn't miss a point. Just as the priest was leaving she stopped him and said, "Hold on, I forgot one thing. When I'm in my casket, I want to be holding a fork." Confused, the priest replied, "A fork?! Why do you want to have a fork in your casket?" She then said that food was such an important part of church events, which she always looked forward to. "My favorite part," she claimed, "was when they'd start picking up the plates and someone would say, "You can keep your fork". I knew that something better was coming. And I was never disappointed." I love the fantasy behind this story. She always believed something better was coming. Whether it was a pie or triple decker chocolate cake, it would be the best part of the whole meal. "So when my friends come to pay their final respects," she said, "I want them to look at the fork and ask you why I have a fork in my hand. That's when I want you to tell them, that something better is coming".
May be in our next life, we'll be a better, kinder, more compassionate version of our present self. Even more promising, is believing that when this life path comes to an end, the next one will be even better! May the church sermon bring you comfort in knowing that we're all perfectly imperfect, and to trust that there's something better coming.

Unlock your Creative Power

*Thanks, Doreen Virtue, for the reminder

What a magnificent day in Montreal. We're finally seeing the pot holes and some pre-grass. After the longest Winter ever, Spring already feels light. The layers start to come off, our attitude shifts, and there's a desire to move. In my case, I'm ready to get my creative juices flowing again!
It's been almost 3 years since I left my job as 'Creative Manager'. I was a glorified research expert who never put my imagination on pause. I'd find inspiration in everything - a hotel room, a song, even at the dog park. My universe was a storybook of emotionally stimulating images. I never wanted to leave. I felt like my brain lived in a fantasy world. Come to think of it, it's as though I lived in the Land of Oz. Every creative concept needed a heart, a brain, and courage. Heart was always at the source, to connect to people's emotions. Influential marketing was the brain, while courage served to create shock-value.
I'm convinced that success is a fusion of heart-brain-courage. I don't think you can ever accomplish a goal by leaving one out. Your heart has to commit first, then you mentally manifest achievement, but you need the guts to kickoff.
We all have the power to unlock our success code. As Spring slowly emerges - get inspired, be vulnerable, rediscover your creativity. Think outta the cardboard box! Set yourself up for success. Register for 'The Color Run' http://ca.thecolorrun.com/montreal/2014-08-16; redecorate a dull white room; produce your own free-spirited music video using Video Star (app); write positive affirmations on your bathroom mirror....let your Spring spirit awaken. Create your own magic; you have the power.

*Magical Moment: I wrote this post without knowing what picture to include. A few hours later, while on Facebook, I see this image of Dorothy from 'Wizard of Oz', posted by the author of my Angel cards, Doreen Virtue. #noticethesigns #angelsrock

Confessions of a Blogger

The Dark vs. The Light....Welcome both!

I must confess. I took a break from writing my blog because I put a lot of energy, time, passion into each post. I'm very selective with every word I type. Though most of my readers know me, I've also attracted a following of strangers. There are many who have no clue who I am, how funny I can be, or that I'm authentic every time I write. Most importantly, however, is that this is my playground where I can freely express my feelings, my knowledge, and my opinions. There are times when I don't feel up to headlining my fears or resistance to any challenges that surface. That's when I take a blog break. Today though, I want to reveal what I've learnt over the past week.
Taking on any project, that's broadcasted virtually, can have its downside. I'm referring to my now "famous" last post. To date, over 5500 people out in cyber world, read that post. Crazy, insane, completely unexpected! I could've been over-the-moon-thrilled, but that's not quite how I felt. All it took was one negative comment, posted on my page, to chip away at my spirit. My feelings dominated that post, but my ego was wounded by a handful of negative comments, amongst a readership of 5000 people. Needless to say, I endured a painful sore throat for 3 days. When I finally discovered how to completely wipe out the 'comments' section on my blog, I began feeling better. I've said this countless times - your body responds to your concealed emotions. I couldn't understand how a single person could claim my post was judgemental or offensive. With every reply on my end, I'd get attacked even more. Suddenly my voice felt powerless. I wanted to say so much more, but I was too emotionally consumed to speak. My throat was so sore because I knew I couldn't swallow the few negative comments I received. Finally I removed the 'comments' section, for the simple reason, that it was overshadowing the essence of my post. I did receive kind, loving comments, but I didn't feel any comments were necessary.
So what does this all me? I had, by far, the most successful post ever (without any intention). Instead of revelling in the fact that so many people shared my story, I was overwhelmed by the impact of my words. It's a humbling feeling to go from thinking you have a talent, to realizing that you truly do. I think I write well. I've submitted stories to wellness magazines that never made the cut. But this experience has taught me that I don't need validation by a magazine, to know that my writing can influence strangers. What matters most is that what I write inspires, guides, or helps someone get through their day. This blog allows me to expose what I know or need to know about myself. Through every post, I discover the sacred truth - mistakes are significant in heightening the relationship we have with ourselves. Always go back to your intention, for if it comes from a place of love, your mission is faultless.

A Boy I'll Never Know

A little boy I'll never know is being buried today. I don't know his parents; I don't know his aunt, either. I heard their horribly tragic story and though I usually prefer writing uplifting posts, today is just not one of those days.
While most of us like to avoid being sad, I find crying very comforting and liberating. Our tears are an expression of a deep rooted wound, often left unexplored. We're part of a society that puts such value on happiness, while discouraging sadness. The past few days have been sad and I want to share the reason for my tears with you.
When my girlfriend shared Matteo's story with me, it had a great impact on me as a mother, and an aunt. Two young sisters, married to brothers, each couple blessed with 2 boys. On a grim Sunday afternoon their lives would be changed dramatically, as the 6 year old boy's life would be accidentally robbed. I can't imagine a  heartbreaking story greater than this one. All I keep wondering is how this family will ever recover.
When tragedy strikes, with such unexpected force, how can the wound ever heal? Clearly, I don't know the answer to that. All I can offer is prayer and loving energy. But since I have a blog, I can also offer suggestions on how we can move forward through this sharp sorrow. Let's make it a point (especially today) to give an extra kiss, a tighter hug, use a sweeter tone, lend a compassionate ear, forgive any nonsense weighing you down. If you're a mom, who spends most of her time feeling consumed by responsibility, make a pledge today. Make a solemn promise, in honor of Matteo, to refrain from any acts of impatience. It's a no yelling, no punishing, no bitching day. Instead, be inspired by your inner child: be immature, playful, funny, and silly with your kids. Whenever I hear a tragic event, it's a reminder to be grateful that I got a chance to start over again today. Matteo's family doesn't get that opportunity today or tomorrow. Their days will never be the same again.
For his funeral today, he is being honored with his favorite color, green. In the spiritual world, green is the color representing the 4th chakra, which ironically, is the heart. Wear green, eat green, see green, connect to your heart on this grief-stricken day, that no human being should ever have to endure. During this deeply dark time for the Palumbi family, may we send light collectively, in hope that some day they will see it.

Love&Light

2014: All the Best!

From the best movie ever: "UP"

We're 21 days into 2014, having fun? Still feeling motivated to make changes? Or are you still stuck in 2013? Every year sounds the same, "All the best!" Well it's been said that the best things in life are free, therefore health, happiness, and love lead the list. But these days, "the best" needs some light.Health?! Let's talk about health for a sec. Fact: If you're stressed 80% of the day, your health is in the gutter. I won't even get into the sidekicks - diet and exercise because if you eat well and work out regularly, but are stressed, you're really not that healthy. Your body probably looks great, but your nervous system is crumbling. Solution: Sloooow down! There's one thing that's certain, your work will always be there (laundry, ironing, cleaning, groceries, car pool, deadlines); it never goes away. Stop more often.  Listen to your breath. Remind yourself to stay present. Be still, bask in nothingness. Your health can change in one MRI, or phone call. Being healthy means managing your stress right now.
Happiness! I love this one! We're the product of a culture that's never satisfied with the status quo. We always want more, better, faster. Yet we all look for ways to be happy. I think everyone really craves happiness over anything else. When we're feeling happy, we're in the flow. Our brain releases happy chemicals (endorphins) and we're feeling bliss. So what makes you happy? I used to base my happiness on the size of my shoe, scarf, purse, and denim collection. Boy has that ever changed (thank God!). Something really simple makes me happy today, it's sharing. It might sound cheezy, but I get such a dose of joy after I've helped someone feel better. I love to share intelligence, advice, tips or my personal experiences that can help others. Teaching yoga and even writing my blog gives me a sense of validation. But sharing is so underrated. I guess some people don't see much importance in sharing their stories. Sometimes hearing a sad story can humble us, just like a funny experience can remind us to stop taking life so seriously. Share your wise quotes, your secret recipes, your helpless situation, your sadness. When you share what you know, you'd be surprised at how many people you could inspire.
L-O-V-E......the four letter word that begins with 'I' (not a typo). Love starts with "I". "I" need to love myself unconditionally before it can be shared. Many, many, many of us struggle to accept ourselves for who we are. We're made up of good shit, and bulls***. The good is always there, the bull manifests throughout our lifetime. It's a collection of our darkness, our trials, our upsets. But we have a habit of giving the bulls*** so much power. We get tangled in these self-conceived labels - "not good enough", "lazy", "unreliable", "selfish", "weak", "dumb", "mean". So what follows "I" is influential, as it can become your truth, your belief. Make "all the best" mean your 'best Self '. It's never too late to declare 2014 as your 'best Self' year whereby your love for yourself is your priority. Love - bulls***= happiness.  Wish you 'All of your Best Self'!

Cry Sum Moar



Fashionably Sad

I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer this year. Another friend's mom was just diagnosed as well. I have a friend who lost a child; two other friends that lost their husbands. Another friend lost her dad and I lost my grandmother this year. Where will each one of us go from here? And will we try to dodge the pain or face it?
When my friend hit her vulnerable button, making me the only witness to her meltdown, I sighed with silent relief. She, on the other hand, almost slapped herself for crying. "I'm a happy person. I hate feeling sad," she exclaimed. Let's pause for a minute for a reality check. Which human being is constantly happy? No one, right! You can't possibly go through life with a permanent smile on your face. That's just bullshit. There's no truth in always being happy or positive. Everyone has their Debbie Downer moments - that's the truth.
As I encouraged her to cry, she reminded me that crying meant she was weak. Well if I was diagnosed with cancer, under 40, with 2 young children, I'd be a hot mess, and I'd drink to that! Here's the deal - you can't bypass the pain. If you keep suppressing the sadness, how do you think that will serve you? You're broken. Acknowledge the fact that you’re hurting. Let the emotions rise to the surface, so the grief can pour over. CRY. CRY. Cry so much that your heart literally hurts.
During lunch with a broken friend, she told me no one likes to be sad. I disagree. I think we're afraid of our own sadness. If we were uncomfortable with sadness, Grey’s Anatomy wouldn't be a hit series. The truth is we allow ourselves to cry for others’ heartbreak, but struggle with our own. So we’re compassionate with other people’s sadness, to the point where we’re crying with them, but when it comes to our mess, we’d rather turn a blind eye.
I can’t tell you if the following chapter holds the happy ending. I also won’t tell you that it’ll get better. Some circumstances are so painful that I can only hope a person can move forward with an optimistic heart. What I know for sure is that sadness has a right to live just as much as happiness does. Stop listening to people who tell you to stop crying when you do. They're just uncomfortable seeing you suffer. Find a trustworthy friend that you can share your pain with. But before you can do that, you gotta refrain from judging your reaction to your own pain, when it pops up.  
You're allowed to say that today is not a good day for you. Give yourself permission to be in a bad mood. When your emotions start to get turbulent, allow yourself to ride the bumps. Have your ‘cure kit’ handy (deep breaths, a box of Kleenex, a pillow to pound, scream, or cry in). I’ve been there too. God knows I’ve showered my yoga mat with plenty of mucus and tears over the years. It took me a long time to explore blockages that brought me deeper suffering. I’ve been there and I continue to go there when I need to.
As we prepare for the holidays, let’s remember that although it’s not the hap-happiest season of all for some of us, it’s OK. Be true to your emotions. Let them live. For 2014, I wish you all an explosion of champagne tears. There's always light after the darkness...there will be happy after sad, and although I can’t promise true happiness will ever be the same, know that we’re all a little broken and that's OK.