Dying to Win

We need shade to appreciate the light



You woke up this morning. Check. You walked over to pour yourself a cup of coffee. Check. You're not terminally ill. Check with fireworks. It's going to be a damn good day! If for one minute today you're feeling stuck, depleted, low-spirited or simply negative - Stop. Breathe. Surrender to whatever the universe is firing your way. Nothing really bad or really good ever lasts that long anyway.
With pink ribbons overpowering Halloween decorations, it's pretty clear that cancer has gone from awareness to commonness. This post is for the cheerleaders on the sidelines, supporting anyone fighting an illness. It's also for those who are spectators in the bleachers. Wherever you're standing, you're familiar with the rules. Cancer or any terminal illness is like watching the Super Bowl - you know someone is gonna lose, but you don't know when. Ah the 'when' period is dreadfully painful.
From my experience on the sidelines, I credit yoga for helping me accept the process of life. I sat bedside for weeks helping my grandmother transition into her next phase of life. I'm not going to lie - the little girl in me didn't want to let go. I did a whole lot of breathing. I'd breathe into that pain so that when she'd look at me, she knew she could surrender to the inevitable.
And you? How are you effected by pink ribbons and cancer fundraisers? If you weren't equipped to accept your loss, it's not too late. The universe gives you plenty of second chances. You watched a rookie get intercepted by an overwhelming force, famous for touchdowns. You hoped, you prayed, you wished the odds were better. May be you regret not being present enough. There's a reason you stayed away from the sidelines and that's OK. Cheerleading isn't for everyone. Make peace with yourself by surrendering to what you cannot control.
For all of us who know someone presently ill, I encourage you to follow the rules and cry. Crying is a normal reaction that gets you bonus points. Waiting for the 'when' sucks, but it's an opportunity to recognize how blessed you are to have this person in your life. With a heavy heart, I smile at all those I've lost to cancer, and I pull out my pom poms to the ones on the field.
If you're complaining today. Stop. Breathe. Remind yourself you're healthy, and keep growing.

I Heart Nothingness

I'm feeling very mellow today. The dust has settled after a wild, long week-end high. It feels so good to reflect on my day only to realize that all I've done so far is eat and yoga. On the heels of Thanksgiving, I'm beyond grateful for being able to bask in nothingness. For years I worked tirelessly, feeling consumed by jetlagged business trips, stuffy fashion events, and a boss who never accepted "impossible" as an answer. Back then I was proud to look at my calendar in wonderment of when I'd be able to schedule a pee break. I was busy, busy, busy. Busy equalled performance; performance brought results; results delivered achievement ; achievement equalled value*. Today, my evaluation looks a lil more like this: busy equals doing; doing distracts from being; not being causes imbalance; imbalance creates instability; instability awakens truth. This means that we'd rather be busy with distractions than taking time for ourselves. And when we silence our accumulated 'stuff', we're just suppressing our truth.
It only takes 5 minutes to re-set your mind and relax your body. Sitting, and just breathing can settle anxiety, insomnia, fear. Breathing alone can reduce tension in your body. We're part of a culture that needs a list of credentials, full inbox, 500+ Facebook friends, a LinkedIn profile, Twitter account, gym membership, and a sold out Saturday night schedule to feel valued. Whatever happened to glorifying the luxury of doing nothing, yet being more? Dictionary.com defines 'nothingness' as follows: noth·ing·ness
1. the state of being nothing.

2. something that is nonexistent: a view of humanity as suspended between infinity and nothingness. 

3. lack of being; nonexistence

4. unconsciousness or death

5. utter insignificance, emptiness, or worthlessness; triviality

WOW!  "Nonexistent"? "Insignificant"? "Worthlessness"? I think this definition needs a 2013 update! You heard it here first - Nothingness is the healthiest pastime. When I ask someone what they're doing and they reply "nothing", I'm actually impressed. According to my husband (reality checkmate), doing nothing doesn't pay Hydro. Granted it doesn't pay the bills, however I'm not saying to do nothing all day, every day. I'm suggesting that you do less and be more. Sit with yourself more often. Stop, breath, listen. Feel the four corners of your feet touch the earth. Inhale the crisp October air. Listen to the rustling of the leaves. Watch the beauty of their changing color. Just take 5 minutes a day to tune in and connect to the rawness of life. You'll slow down, become kinder, a little more patient, and tolerant with yourself and everything around you.

Namaste.

*Don't let someone else estimate your value. Find your own value through the simplicities of just being.

Blind Man, Blind Man, What do you See?

What do you see?

"IF THE WORLD WAS BLIND, HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD YOU IMPRESS?" -Boonaa Mohammed

Four out of five women wear make-up. MAC sells 1 lipstick and 1 eye shadow every two seconds.
The cosmetics industry was valued at 426 billion in 2011.  And 2012 was officially the year of the silicone breast implants. Clearly, we're investing in our appearance!
Is our self-esteem so bruised that we're turning to wrinkle reducing products for self-confidence? Why do we feel this need to enhance how we look? On a deeper note - are you equally invested in your well-being as you are in what we're seeing? If the world was blind, you know you wouldn't wear make-up or dye your hair. I'm the first to admit, even on my dishevelled days, I make sure I'm wearing the 'right' shoes. Heck I even went tanning last week so I could 'look' better in my dress. That is the power of visual perception! As a result, we judge ourselves and others based on appearance.
We all aspire to look a certain way, in hope of feeling better about ourselves. The truth is we'll only love ourselves unconditionally, when we can strip away the layers of pretence, and accept what we find. Underneath the highlights, bronzing powder, miracle bra, Spanx, is you, and me. We may not be authentic on the outside, but we should all aspire to be authentic on the inside. Ask yourself: Is what we see fuelling your self-confidence?
Today, anyone can look successful, but not many of us  feel successful. While we're busy enhancing our external features, we're neglecting our internal Self. Before you judge yourself on the scale (or on your yoga mat), consider the weight of your self-confidence first. We all have insecurities, but I think most of us focus on our physical inadequacies, while ignoring our emotional ones. Let's look in the mirror (before disguising our face) and accept what we see.....at least for today (baby steps).

Fall into Change

With Fall suspended in the air, 'change' is itching to take over. From an aesthetic perspective, the leaves start to change colour. The air sharpens. The sun descends earlier. There's something about Fall that I respect. For me, it's like the unveiling of my New Year Resolutions. I'm suddenly motivated to take a leap. Improve myself. Be more whole. I'm ready for CHANGE!
As I prepare to teach my new yoga session tomorrow, I remind myself of the following: "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." (that's most likely what I'll tell my students). Today you're somewhere; tomorrow you'll be elsewhere. No two days are alike - heck no two minutes are either.
Change is lingering, as my daughter starts school, my workload increases, and my routine goes from dull to dynamic. The same way in which the leaves grow through stages, so do we. Fall marks the beginning of change, encouraging achievable goals, with a commitment to stay the course.
Now, I'm not suggesting you start taking Crossfit classes! It would be enlightening, however, if you set an intention that will allow you to inch your way to a new personal discovery. Notice how I said 'discovery' and not 'achievement'? This is not January 1st, where we're making bets with our ego. This is about going beyond our comfort, so that we can grow. As much as I'm nurturing my spiritual evolution, my change of choice has deeper roots. My intention for Fall is to reprogram my thoughts. It's time to drop the long-winded story and reboot. The mental chaos (fear, judgement, anger, worry, guilt, blame, regret) is stifling. With so much change going on in my life, my confidence is being tested. Then I watch the news with all its war coverage and wonder, 'How can we have world peace, if we don't know peace within ourselves?' How can I ever refrain from judging others, blaming their choices, or getting pissed off at their reactions, if I cannot resolve that within myself? We need to BE the change!
This season, don't just change your lipstick shade or hair colour. Change your self-talk. Change your path. Change how you see things. Change your thoughts. Re-discover a part of yourself you miss. Re-evaluate your self-worth. Be Change, to See Change!

The Dirty 30s

In the September issue of Glamour magazine, Jennifer Aniston was asked, "What would you tell yourself at various ages—like your teens, twenties, thirties, and early forties?" This question got me thinking. I immediately journeyed back to high school where it was all about drama (not the class), heart break, rebellion. Rewind and reflect. Who were you? What dream (or boy) were you chasing? Did you make the headlines or prefer the sidelines? Value loyalty or popularity? Prefer athletics, academics, or aesthetics? God, I so miss teenhood! I was a mashup of most of the above, but overall, I'm proud of who I was.
In my twenties though, things got a little messy. I was career driven, hopelessly in (and out) of love, and anxious about both. Once you toss up that grad hat, you're in the turning point of your life. You're in the high pressure zone to nail a career, find your soul mate, and move out. You kinda go from being in a hurry, to seeing blurry and ending in worry....because now you're 30! Ya, so my twenties included foreign affairs, gin tonics, panic attacks.
Nothing, however, beats your 30s, which leads me to Jennifer Aniston's  rockstar advice: "Thirties. Thirties. Go to therapy. Clean up all of the shit. Clean up all of the toxins and the noise. Understand who you are. Educate yourself on the self." I couldn't have said it better myself! (Shout out to Mr. Pitt for triggering her evolution).
In your thirties, the dust starts to settle and you see the light, or not. This decade, in particular, has such deep rooted value. You can't hide behind immaturity or deny accountability for the person you've chosen to become. "If you're not happy, you can become happy. Happiness is a choice." Thank you, Ms Aniston, for that humbling reminder. But how do we get to 'happy'? Well therapy is a good start. In actuality, the objective of therapy is to reunite you with your best self, however the path to happy is a dirt road.
All you thirty-something, emotionally rocky, repeat offenders at manifesting disappointment - STOP. Thirty gets dirty! We've all got shit, but some of us need a serious detox. I wish everyone would dig through their past, touch some unsettled, rotten crap and face it in therapy. I don't know a single person who wouldn't benefit tremendously from a dirt-digging, self-searching, couch-sitting experience. If we all sat with ourselves more often, looked within more deeply, silenced our ego intentionally; we'd start to understand who we are. Some people are actually afraid of who they'll find, so they avoid the journey. We all have choices. If you're desire is to be happy, I stand by Jen's advice: get rid of the accumulated shit, piled up over years of suffering. Who knew that personal dirt-digging would be the ultimate healing cleanse?!
On a compassionate note - we all grow through dirt. But on a 'happy' note - look for the lessons, not the motive.

Life Lessons Underwater

Swimming towards swim/life coach Frank

When I was a little girl, I'd stare at the ocean with fearful eyes, wondering what lived beneath. I'd look at the waves with knots in my belly. I believed that a wave would knock me down and I'd be a shark's dinner. It all began when my mom expressed her fear of water. I concluded that if my mom was afraid, than I should be too. So in 36 years, a million pools, and countless beaches, I merely dipped 'til my waistline. I'd sit along the shore amazed at all the children much younger than I, anxiously awaiting the next big wave. I let fear get the best of me, accepting that I'd never swim. I had children; we built a pool; fear dominated. But not anymore. This summer, I packed some courage on my trip to Florida. I was determined to prevail over years of inhibiting 'what if' scenarios.
My first swim lesson started with my 70 year old instructor, Frank, telling me I'd be doing laps in the pool before the end of my vacation. He didn't lie, nor did he ever give me false hope. When I'd panic mid swim, he'd remind me in a calm tone, to get out of my head. Before every swim, he'd repeat, "It's all about breath control." Ain't that the truth, Frank! My breath is what got me into the pool in the first place. Calming my mind and body tops my daily 'to do' list. Credit goes to my years of yoga practice for making me feel comfortable in an uncomfortable place. For me, being underwater was equivalent to being suffocated by a pillow. Swimming would only be possible once I'd be able to ignore the mental sabotage of possibly drowning. I'd start with a deep exhalation to calm down, then take a big air and 'crawl' to the end of the pool. I've never realized a more liberating experience as swimming underwater. Damn my bullshit thoughts for making me miss out on all the beauty that lives in the ocean!
All these years, I thought I was missing guts, but what I was really missing was trust - in the unknown, in myself. It's so easy to convince ourselves of what we can't achieve. We just buy into nonsensical thoughts that we won't succeed, accept it as the truth, and let it be. Learning how to swim is a lot like the process of life. You take a deep breath and go slow - can't skip a step. You won't learn everything in one lesson. You have to trust, believe, and flow with what you've got. Wise Frank told me that you know you've hit a milestone when you mess up (swallow water or skip a new breath), but you still finish your swim. That statement is powerful beyond the pool or my yoga mat. When the Universe throws you lemons and you make a margarita - you're in the flow. It's when we resist what is present to us that we hinder our progress, thus stalling what we're meant to be living. It took almost four decades of stalling for me to finally move underwater. I'm proof that it's never too late to conquer a fear. I spent years tangled in my ego's web, worried that I'd be ridiculed for not knowing how to swim. Now, with my cutting edge Speedo goggles, lean body and long arms, I look like I can take on Missy Franklin ;). This time I'm convincing myself that I can!

OMMMMADONNA

Madonna: My Mentor

It's never too late to wish someone a happy birthday, and if you know me, then you'd predict I'd be late! On August 16th, my childhood mentor, MADONNA, celebrated her 57th birthday. It'd be sinful to dismiss her birth date since she had such an impact on my life.
Back in the 80s, my sister and I would karaoke away to her 'Like a Virgin' album in our backyard. We adored everything about her from her music, to her dance moves, to her fashion sense, and her fearless attitude. Throughout high school, she continued to be my icon. What was it about this Italian-American sex symbol that intrigued me from the age of 8? Aside from her award winning music, she was powerful. She exposed me to the unknown; heightening my knowledge of everything taboo. AIDS and homosexuality weren't hot dinner topics in my Italian household. Her influence had me particpating in AIDS walk-a-thons, and even cheering on homosexuals at the Gay Pride parade. But with all I learned from Madonna, the most valuable teaching came when I was 28 years old. Inspired by her insanely toned body, I researched her health and fitness habits. At that time, she was a yoga activist, following a macrobiotic and Ayurvedic diet. Of course, back then those words were foreign to me, yet like everything Madonnaish, they peeked my interest.
OK, I'll admit that before all, Madonna had me at black plastic bracelets, fishnet crop tops and black booties. I tried to dress, dance and sing like her. So it should come as no surprise that even in my late 20s, I looked to her for inspiration. This time, however, I had no idea that she'd change my life. It was Louise Madonna Veronica Ciccone who inspired me to try yoga and learn about Eastern medicine. I became self-educated on all holistic health diets, remedies, and therapeutic energy work. I went on to temporarily leave the fashion world to start teaching yoga. Although I haven't renewed my Madonna fan club membership in forever, she'll always be that powerful force that touched me beyond the physical world. The leather cutoff gloves and one piece bodysuits may be retired, but I still get nostalgic when I come across Madonna images.
Sometimes in life, you can lead someone to something better, without even knowing it. Share your ideas, inspirations, experiences with others. You never know who's really paying attention. Happy belated Birthday Madge - sending you appreciation for exposing yoga to a girl who just wanted to have your arms.
Namaste.
M