Does Your Mother Know

In April of this year, Eric Paskel lost his brother. He eulogized his brother's life unlike any eulogy I've ever heard. With Mother's Day around the corner, I wanted to share the part he wrote for his Mom, on behalf of his brother Justin.

Mom: I so often gave you my worst because I knew I was safe with you. I know it wasn’t fair. But all of my yelling, all of the short temper was on me. Believe it or not, taking it out on you actually saved me many times from doing something more destructive to myself or others.You are the glue. You are our leader. You were my champion. No one has fought for another like you have fought for me. You did not make a single mistake. It was me making them.Do not feel responsible for my demons, my struggles. I wanted to tell you this so many times, but couldn’t. I loved you so deeply, it scared me. I felt so “seen” by you and I could not handle it.I wanted to. But know this, any ounce of comfort I felt in the world always was traced back to you. I heard your voice in my head daily and felt your love. I took advantage of that love in the wrong ways many times. But finally in the last few years, I took it in the right way and as physically sick as I was, I had never felt better. Please take that same love you gave me and give it to yourself.

As a Mom, and a daughter, these words hold a heavy truth. We're vulnerable with the ones we feel safe with. We expose our shadows because we know we'll always be loved, no matter what. Does your Mother know how scared you are to be "seen"? Does your Mother know that she's not responsible for your choices? Does your Mother know that her phone calls comfort you? Does your Mother know that she makes you feel safe enough to give her your worst?
My Mom and I have a mirrored relationship. I often see myself in her actions. I don't think she knows how alike we really are. Sometimes I'm bothered by her shadows, because I inherited those too. I can make her my punching bag or a cuddly teddy on the same day.

Mama & Me

As Mothers, we have this ability to "see" our children right through to their soul. With my children, I can sense their temperature rise or their tears form before they even manifest. Even when we lose our sensitivity chip, and say or do some nasty shit, we know our Moms will never abandon us. Maybe someday my children will reciprocate, and hopefully they'll feel my capacity to love them despite what they've done or who they've chosen to become. After all, we chose our Moms and our children chose us. Sometimes I wonder what I was looking for in a Mother, before conception. The criteria for my Mom must've began with a non-negotiable list of  -  hot temper and warm heart, big smile and bigger personality! As for my kids, they must've started their wish list with - fun with a hint of crazy, and must provide an abundance of strong hugs and soggy smooches.
On this Mother's Day, tell your Mom the truth about what she means to you. If you have children, ask them why they chose you....should make for a very interesting brunch convo. And on Sunday, make sure your Mother knows. Love big Mamas, but don't forget to give some to yourself!