Does Your Mother Know

In April of this year, Eric Paskel lost his brother. He eulogized his brother's life unlike any eulogy I've ever heard. With Mother's Day around the corner, I wanted to share the part he wrote for his Mom, on behalf of his brother Justin.

Mom: I so often gave you my worst because I knew I was safe with you. I know it wasn’t fair. But all of my yelling, all of the short temper was on me. Believe it or not, taking it out on you actually saved me many times from doing something more destructive to myself or others.You are the glue. You are our leader. You were my champion. No one has fought for another like you have fought for me. You did not make a single mistake. It was me making them.Do not feel responsible for my demons, my struggles. I wanted to tell you this so many times, but couldn’t. I loved you so deeply, it scared me. I felt so “seen” by you and I could not handle it.I wanted to. But know this, any ounce of comfort I felt in the world always was traced back to you. I heard your voice in my head daily and felt your love. I took advantage of that love in the wrong ways many times. But finally in the last few years, I took it in the right way and as physically sick as I was, I had never felt better. Please take that same love you gave me and give it to yourself.

As a Mom, and a daughter, these words hold a heavy truth. We're vulnerable with the ones we feel safe with. We expose our shadows because we know we'll always be loved, no matter what. Does your Mother know how scared you are to be "seen"? Does your Mother know that she's not responsible for your choices? Does your Mother know that her phone calls comfort you? Does your Mother know that she makes you feel safe enough to give her your worst?
My Mom and I have a mirrored relationship. I often see myself in her actions. I don't think she knows how alike we really are. Sometimes I'm bothered by her shadows, because I inherited those too. I can make her my punching bag or a cuddly teddy on the same day.

Mama & Me

As Mothers, we have this ability to "see" our children right through to their soul. With my children, I can sense their temperature rise or their tears form before they even manifest. Even when we lose our sensitivity chip, and say or do some nasty shit, we know our Moms will never abandon us. Maybe someday my children will reciprocate, and hopefully they'll feel my capacity to love them despite what they've done or who they've chosen to become. After all, we chose our Moms and our children chose us. Sometimes I wonder what I was looking for in a Mother, before conception. The criteria for my Mom must've began with a non-negotiable list of  -  hot temper and warm heart, big smile and bigger personality! As for my kids, they must've started their wish list with - fun with a hint of crazy, and must provide an abundance of strong hugs and soggy smooches.
On this Mother's Day, tell your Mom the truth about what she means to you. If you have children, ask them why they chose you....should make for a very interesting brunch convo. And on Sunday, make sure your Mother knows. Love big Mamas, but don't forget to give some to yourself!

Love Letter

This is a letter I wrote on Valentine's day, but never posted. I wrote this to myself because the longest relationship I will ever have in this lifetime, is the one with myself. I think this letter deserves to be shared as a reminder for your capacity to love yourself. This is for YOU. Hold space for your own feelings about yourself. May the words land in your heart, xo

My Dear Love,

Happy Valentine's Day! I just want you to remember that you are loved. I will not love you more if you send me flowers. I will love you for your kindness, for your capacity to give without expectations, for your trust, and for being true to yourself. Thank you for accepting me as a warrior, as well as a worrier.
I will love you for your company that requires few words. I will love you despite your poor judgement, no filter, and sharp tongue. Sometimes I will be too much to bare and other times you will crave my free spirit. I will suggest when it's time to dust your aura. I will poke when I see you decorating your pain. I will remind you that ever tear you shed is the most healing water of all.
I will cradle you like the best book I have ever read.
I will turn up the music to remind you to dance. I will watch you slowly take down your masks to reveal your true self. I will encourage you to take risks. I will forgive you when you feel shame or guilt. And when faith starts to fade, I will point out the light of the moon. I will whisper when you need to take your eyes off the rear view mirror and look forward.
I will give you time to unlearn all the stuff the world has hardened you with. I will speak up for you when you lose your voice. When your teacher tells me you are too hot to handle, I will fan your flame. I will never allow you to conform to a cookie-cutter code of conduct. I want you to be proud of your uniqueness. I will watch you fail, cheer you on, and tell you that you are lit as fuck!
I will encourage you to be unafraid to write the truth, even when you are terrified by it. I will push you through your fears to cultivate courage. I will guide you to transform every obstacle into your greatest life lesson. I will crack your heart open so you can own your story. Because, oh my God, I will not have you wake up in your semi-retired life, with regret for the opportunities you never took. You will not let fear win. No one will bring you joy before you do. You will not live this one life waiting, regretting, doubting, dieting, apologizing because in a year from now, nothing will be the same. So tonight, when you count your miracles, I will remind you to include yourself.

I love you,
always and forever.