Four months after the birth of my son, I couldn't recognize myself. On the outside nothing changed, but on the inside, I was a tornado. Right before the storm would hit, I'd be still. Then thoughts would start to whisper worry, my heart would throb violently, and that would prompt my body to shake uncontrollably. And once the storm would pass, I'd find myself in a million pieces. My tornado was called anxiety. Two years have passed since anxiety last struck, all thanks to my psychotherapist, life coach, spiritual guide, Louise.
This past Friday, May 9th, 2014, Louise moved on to a new life path in heaven. Unbeknownst to me, she was battling breast cancer for a few years. I remember showing up at an appointment wearing my famous 'Fuck Cancer' tshirt when she said, "Why Fuck Cancer? I like CanCure instead. It's more positive." I was unaware that was her word for Cancer.
I'd visit with her to review my hibernating emotions. I'd cry, laugh, complain, yet she always had the right words to share with me. She knew when to be tough, when to be compassionate, when to poke, when to back off. Louise started off as my psychotherapist (teaching me how to breathe) and went on to become my guiding light. Within 6 months of knowing her, I changed my entire life. She helped me find my voice through service, after leaving a career I relied on for validation.
We last met in August when she gave me a rare piece of chaga (aka “Gift from God”
a unique, woodlike mushroom, called the “Mushroom of Immortality,” used by humans to support health for thousands of years). I never boiled it, as she advised. It rests in a special drawer - now a memento.
After hearing she has breast cancer, I would never see her again. I wondered 'how?' and 'why her?' Why breast cancer? Breasts represent mothering and nurturing. Breast problems develop from putting everyone else first with a refusal to nourish yourself. Louise was committed to serving and helping others. May be her need was to cultivate hope for those suffering.
When I first called her years ago, she told me she was retiring. A few weeks later, she called me back announcing she was 'semi-retired'. She could have spent her days on her canoe or travelling the world, but instead she honored her calling to serve. She was self-less but still fulfilled her passion for living.
Louise helped me discover myself through my light, as well as my darkness. She taught me how to love and accept both equally. In March, she took time to write about her dying days. I want to share this message (which her brother made public) so you too can be inspired during adversity.
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| CanCure Rockstar, Lou |
"CanCure" patients always think Positive!!!!
“Here I am, awaiting the end of my life in a facility where “People come to die!”
Everyone in a bed at this Care Center is going to die soon, certainly sooner than they would have liked.
We are all afflicted by the same decease, commonly known as Cancer. I do not like the word Cancer; I prefer to call it “CanCure”. Cancer is negative and Can Cure is positive. I realize that sounds ridiculous to you considering where I am, but I fervently believe that my “CanCure” attitude has bought me precious time in this life.
In my opinion, I’ve used that time wisely. I have spent more quality time with my family and close friends. After a lifetime of knowing them all, I feel that now I finally really know them and they really know me!
I have learned that there are only two things that matter in my life: LOVE and FEAR. My last days are being spent sharing the love I have and basking in the love I am being given. I have also used my last time here to learn about fear. It is the only thing that stops you from getting what you really want and need in your life.
If ever you or one of your loved ones finds yourself in my position, these would be my words of advice to you:
Focus on the positive and not the negative.
Do not underestimate yourself; you have no idea how powerful you are.
You create your life through your thoughts and your actions, so you can create whatever you want.”
- Louise McDougall Markey
Louise, I know you're proud of how you spent your dash! I'm forever grateful to have had you in my life, at the right time, just like the Universe manifested it as such. Your soul was ready for lift off. Thanks for the guidance, enlightenment, blessings, and kisses on both cheeks. Your last words to me, on March 22nd, were: "Life is a marvel and one must follow ones calling....always." The teacher in me, bows to the teacher in you. RIP. Amen.
