The Dirty 30s

In the September issue of Glamour magazine, Jennifer Aniston was asked, "What would you tell yourself at various ages—like your teens, twenties, thirties, and early forties?" This question got me thinking. I immediately journeyed back to high school where it was all about drama (not the class), heart break, rebellion. Rewind and reflect. Who were you? What dream (or boy) were you chasing? Did you make the headlines or prefer the sidelines? Value loyalty or popularity? Prefer athletics, academics, or aesthetics? God, I so miss teenhood! I was a mashup of most of the above, but overall, I'm proud of who I was.
In my twenties though, things got a little messy. I was career driven, hopelessly in (and out) of love, and anxious about both. Once you toss up that grad hat, you're in the turning point of your life. You're in the high pressure zone to nail a career, find your soul mate, and move out. You kinda go from being in a hurry, to seeing blurry and ending in worry....because now you're 30! Ya, so my twenties included foreign affairs, gin tonics, panic attacks.
Nothing, however, beats your 30s, which leads me to Jennifer Aniston's  rockstar advice: "Thirties. Thirties. Go to therapy. Clean up all of the shit. Clean up all of the toxins and the noise. Understand who you are. Educate yourself on the self." I couldn't have said it better myself! (Shout out to Mr. Pitt for triggering her evolution).
In your thirties, the dust starts to settle and you see the light, or not. This decade, in particular, has such deep rooted value. You can't hide behind immaturity or deny accountability for the person you've chosen to become. "If you're not happy, you can become happy. Happiness is a choice." Thank you, Ms Aniston, for that humbling reminder. But how do we get to 'happy'? Well therapy is a good start. In actuality, the objective of therapy is to reunite you with your best self, however the path to happy is a dirt road.
All you thirty-something, emotionally rocky, repeat offenders at manifesting disappointment - STOP. Thirty gets dirty! We've all got shit, but some of us need a serious detox. I wish everyone would dig through their past, touch some unsettled, rotten crap and face it in therapy. I don't know a single person who wouldn't benefit tremendously from a dirt-digging, self-searching, couch-sitting experience. If we all sat with ourselves more often, looked within more deeply, silenced our ego intentionally; we'd start to understand who we are. Some people are actually afraid of who they'll find, so they avoid the journey. We all have choices. If you're desire is to be happy, I stand by Jen's advice: get rid of the accumulated shit, piled up over years of suffering. Who knew that personal dirt-digging would be the ultimate healing cleanse?!
On a compassionate note - we all grow through dirt. But on a 'happy' note - look for the lessons, not the motive.

Life Lessons Underwater

Swimming towards swim/life coach Frank

When I was a little girl, I'd stare at the ocean with fearful eyes, wondering what lived beneath. I'd look at the waves with knots in my belly. I believed that a wave would knock me down and I'd be a shark's dinner. It all began when my mom expressed her fear of water. I concluded that if my mom was afraid, than I should be too. So in 36 years, a million pools, and countless beaches, I merely dipped 'til my waistline. I'd sit along the shore amazed at all the children much younger than I, anxiously awaiting the next big wave. I let fear get the best of me, accepting that I'd never swim. I had children; we built a pool; fear dominated. But not anymore. This summer, I packed some courage on my trip to Florida. I was determined to prevail over years of inhibiting 'what if' scenarios.
My first swim lesson started with my 70 year old instructor, Frank, telling me I'd be doing laps in the pool before the end of my vacation. He didn't lie, nor did he ever give me false hope. When I'd panic mid swim, he'd remind me in a calm tone, to get out of my head. Before every swim, he'd repeat, "It's all about breath control." Ain't that the truth, Frank! My breath is what got me into the pool in the first place. Calming my mind and body tops my daily 'to do' list. Credit goes to my years of yoga practice for making me feel comfortable in an uncomfortable place. For me, being underwater was equivalent to being suffocated by a pillow. Swimming would only be possible once I'd be able to ignore the mental sabotage of possibly drowning. I'd start with a deep exhalation to calm down, then take a big air and 'crawl' to the end of the pool. I've never realized a more liberating experience as swimming underwater. Damn my bullshit thoughts for making me miss out on all the beauty that lives in the ocean!
All these years, I thought I was missing guts, but what I was really missing was trust - in the unknown, in myself. It's so easy to convince ourselves of what we can't achieve. We just buy into nonsensical thoughts that we won't succeed, accept it as the truth, and let it be. Learning how to swim is a lot like the process of life. You take a deep breath and go slow - can't skip a step. You won't learn everything in one lesson. You have to trust, believe, and flow with what you've got. Wise Frank told me that you know you've hit a milestone when you mess up (swallow water or skip a new breath), but you still finish your swim. That statement is powerful beyond the pool or my yoga mat. When the Universe throws you lemons and you make a margarita - you're in the flow. It's when we resist what is present to us that we hinder our progress, thus stalling what we're meant to be living. It took almost four decades of stalling for me to finally move underwater. I'm proof that it's never too late to conquer a fear. I spent years tangled in my ego's web, worried that I'd be ridiculed for not knowing how to swim. Now, with my cutting edge Speedo goggles, lean body and long arms, I look like I can take on Missy Franklin ;). This time I'm convincing myself that I can!

OMMMMADONNA

Madonna: My Mentor

It's never too late to wish someone a happy birthday, and if you know me, then you'd predict I'd be late! On August 16th, my childhood mentor, MADONNA, celebrated her 57th birthday. It'd be sinful to dismiss her birth date since she had such an impact on my life.
Back in the 80s, my sister and I would karaoke away to her 'Like a Virgin' album in our backyard. We adored everything about her from her music, to her dance moves, to her fashion sense, and her fearless attitude. Throughout high school, she continued to be my icon. What was it about this Italian-American sex symbol that intrigued me from the age of 8? Aside from her award winning music, she was powerful. She exposed me to the unknown; heightening my knowledge of everything taboo. AIDS and homosexuality weren't hot dinner topics in my Italian household. Her influence had me particpating in AIDS walk-a-thons, and even cheering on homosexuals at the Gay Pride parade. But with all I learned from Madonna, the most valuable teaching came when I was 28 years old. Inspired by her insanely toned body, I researched her health and fitness habits. At that time, she was a yoga activist, following a macrobiotic and Ayurvedic diet. Of course, back then those words were foreign to me, yet like everything Madonnaish, they peeked my interest.
OK, I'll admit that before all, Madonna had me at black plastic bracelets, fishnet crop tops and black booties. I tried to dress, dance and sing like her. So it should come as no surprise that even in my late 20s, I looked to her for inspiration. This time, however, I had no idea that she'd change my life. It was Louise Madonna Veronica Ciccone who inspired me to try yoga and learn about Eastern medicine. I became self-educated on all holistic health diets, remedies, and therapeutic energy work. I went on to temporarily leave the fashion world to start teaching yoga. Although I haven't renewed my Madonna fan club membership in forever, she'll always be that powerful force that touched me beyond the physical world. The leather cutoff gloves and one piece bodysuits may be retired, but I still get nostalgic when I come across Madonna images.
Sometimes in life, you can lead someone to something better, without even knowing it. Share your ideas, inspirations, experiences with others. You never know who's really paying attention. Happy belated Birthday Madge - sending you appreciation for exposing yoga to a girl who just wanted to have your arms.
Namaste.
M