Curious Rebels

My nieces

"That is not your story" - a line I often repeat to myself or share with others during times of distress. With the death of 14-year-old Athena Gervais earlier this month, and now the hunt for missing 10-year-old boy, Ariel - it's just impossible to silence the empath within. At this time, our city is on its 8th day, searching for Ariel Jeffrey Kouakou. It's now noon, which means my teen nieces are on their lunch break, as a police helicopter passes by my window. How can I not wonder if they're safe? My emotions are heavy.
There are two families that are shattered right now. One will never see their daughter graduate high school and the other may have the same ending. Completely different stories, with the same heartbreak. Again, "This is not your story", I repeat. When bad news strikes young blood, our compassion escalates. We all tell ourselves that it could be our child that we innocently sent off to meet a friend, or our teens living dangerously while at school. This could be our story.
My eleven year old nephew, often roams his neighbourhood by bike, to meet his friends. We cannot shelter our children from childhood basics that develop their independence. However, I'm concerned now. I'd rather follow a few feet behind, watch him play from a distance, than let him be on his own. It might be wrong, but the fear is fresh. Truth is, if we thought of all the negative things that could unfold, we'd never leave our homes. I'll try not to project my fears of 'what if' and pray that every child I see walking to school alone, riding their bike alone, staying at home alone, is divinely protected. That brings me some peace.
To my highly intelligent and free-spirited nieces, I pray for you as well. As young teens, you're tasting a little freedom, heightening your curiosity, and experimenting with some rebellion. I know because I see my fourteen year old self through your eyes. You'll make some bad decisions, which are necassary for your growth. You'll choose the wrong friend, kiss the wrong boy, study the wrong chapter. All these wrongs will teach you what is right.*[Sigh. Pause. Hold back tears.]
When I heard the tragic story of Athena Gervais, I immediately thought of my nieces. This is for them (and my nephews too).
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Dear Curious Rebels,
Know that I'm your emergency call, your judge-free zone, your free pass. I come with some solid rebel experience and understanding ears. I'll always be your safe space to share your insecurities, dramas, heartbreak, foolishness, and poor decisions. My purpose in your life is to be present and provide unconditional love, so that your hardest times will feel a little softer, easier.
I know for sure you'll be tempted to do the wrong thing. Stop. Think. Then proceed with caution. You see, I want you to be around for a long time. I want you to look back at your grade 8 school picture and wonder what on earth you did to your hair that year. I want you to see your prom video, cringe at your 'manly' moustache, or overload of sequins that could light up the Eiffel Tower. I want you to look back and remember the teacher who believed in you when you didn't, the friends that consoled you after your humiliating Carnival wipe out, or the volleyball game you won with ten seconds left on the clock. You deserve to have these moments. This is your time to create all these memories. You'll also be faced with tough decisions, uncomfortable conversations, influence to look a certain way, or encouragement to do the wrong thing. Please don't forget your worth.
Don't confuse curiosity with recklessness. Don't believe intimacy comes with pressure. Don't be a follower when you can be the leader. Stand up for what's right, when it's easier to sit. Don't abandon an intoxicated friend. And please don't ever be the passenger to a drunken driver. You're too smart to make dumb choices. Live these years with curiosity, courage, and some caution. I pray that your good decisions outweigh your poor ones. I pray you'll never forget how much you matter. And remember I'm a speed dial away.
Love you,
M
Tonight as we tuck in our children, or speak to our nieces and nephews, remember that we cannot stop them from exploring. Instead, we'll pray that they feel loved and are guided by good friends, approachable teachers, encouraging coaches, and caring parents. As the police heli hovers over the river again today, I want us to remember that although our children can drive us mad, we need to hug them hard, listen more attentively to their daily stories, and do more of the things we take for granted. Today they may be nine years old, seeking our attention; then they'll be fourteen, and we'll be seeking theirs. Love in the moment. It matters.
To every family that has lost a child; we are grieving with you.