The pressure was thick and even though I didn't
want to spend the next five years there, my path was predetermined. Or at least
it was, until that cold day when the "accepted or rejected" letter
landed on my doorstep. My predetermined path just got hit with a road block! I
was REJECTED! I know. You're shocked, right?! Well I can't say I was shocked
since I didn't put the effort, but I knew this was bad. I was bad. I was bad
for not making the cut.
With my sister already an honour student at the
school, my parents refused to accept my non-acceptance and rallied to get me
in. From sending flowers and chocolates to letters of recommendation from my
teacher, I was finally given the stamp of approval. But through the emotions of
a twelve year old, this is how it played out in my head: "You're not good
enough. You don't deserve to be there. You'll never survive. You better NEVER
tell anyone you weren't accepted or you'll be labelled the outcast." Those
were the words I mentally repeated for the next twelve months. Did my parents
make a mistake to push so hard? Would my ego have been spared had I just been
sent to public school? What did this experience really teach me?
My parents rallied to get me in because they knew I
was good enough. Had they taken the rejection with ease and put me in a public
school, I wouldn't have been spared the pain of rejection. That experience
taught me valuable life lessons that marked me for life. For the first six
months of school, I kept a low profile because I felt like an inadequate
imposter. As my parents reinforced their belief in me, I came out of my shell.
I broke through my self-judgement, vowing to make my years matter.
I went on to be class president for three years and
on class council the other two. I was winning public speaking and debating
competitions. I trained hard to finish a 5 km race; despite thinking I lacked discipline
and perseverance. My parents may have fought for my spot, but I made sure to
leave my mark. I challenged the status quo and encouraged my peers to
think outside the box. My fondest memory was dressing as a condom (inspired by
Madonna) for Halloween....in a school run by nuns! It wasn't long before I
stood out, wanting to be remembered as the girl who always spoke up, preferred
to lead rather than follow, and never accepted defeat without even
trying.
To all the parents riding this roller coaster, you
need to know that your children are still developing their self-esteem. The
results of these exams matter. They matter to them, to you, and they matter because
we all want to be good enough and accepted. The take away from all of this is
that no matter the results, your children need to be reassured that they are
loved no matter what and their results will not define their level of enough.
Each child will pave their path their way. We're there to supply the
encouragement that no matter how uneven or bumpy their path will be, we love it
just the same. You can fight for your kids, like my parents did. You can
reinforce that you believe in their abilities. You can be their loudest
cheerleader. What happens now will mark them forever, but how YOU respond can
scar them. So be gentle, speak with compassion. And for the parents with honour
roll kids who'll be accepted in every school, your reaction matters just as much.
Celebrate their accomplishments, but always bring the message back to love. If
one day they do fail (because they will), they'll know you love them just the
same. Because while accolades can define your intelligence, how you love and
feel loved, holds the highest honour.
I didn't get accepted into private school, yet I
was successful once I was there. To all the twelve year olds on this journey,
including our inner child, remember that these results, "accepted or
rejected" will not define who you are or who you'll become. The fact that
you're showing up to even write these exams is huge! From my experience, I know
this for sure: your toughest competition is yourself and always will be. Only
you can really accept yourself before anyone else and you're loved just as you
are. Keep shining your light!
